If These Walls Could Talk
by IndigoCaress
Summary: Chapter 19 now up! Victoria makes a decision. WARNING: Contains sensitive and disturbing content. Please R/R. Thanks!
1. If These Walls Could Talk

TITLE: If These Walls Could Talk (1/1 unless I get enough requests to continue)  
  
AUTHOR: Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com)  
  
DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine, but I wish they were. I own any characters not established on 7th Heaven.  
  
CHARACTERS: The Camden family and a few other familiar faces. Possibly some new faces. Features Simon in the lead role.  
  
SUMMARY: Simon ponders the secrets of his bedroom walls, and a few other things along the way  
  
SPOILERS: None specifically  
  
ARCHIVE: Sure, just let me know  
  
FEEDBACK: Definitely! JjsLuckyStar@aol.com  
  
If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 1/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
If these walls could talk, I would never leave this room. And no one else would ever be allowed in. I would have to padlock the door. Too many secrets...These walls have seen and heard everything. I mean everything. What I do alone at night, what I say in my sleep and in my prayers. Private stuff. Personal stuff. Wonderful stuff. Unbelievably embarrassing stuff. These walls have seen it all. All of me. The deepest, darkest, loneliest parts of me.  
  
My name is Simon Camden. I am sixteen years old. I am the fourth of seven kids, the proverbial middle child. My father is a minister. Glen Oak Community Church. Big church, small town. My dad knows everyone, and everyone knows my dad, and his kids. Preacher's kids. We've all had to deal with the label at some point, except the twins, but their day will come too.  
  
Sometimes I feel I can't take a piss without the whole town knowing about it, talking about it.  
  
My bedroom is my sanctuary. My only sanctuary. The only place I can go to be alone, to do what needs to be done. Sixteen year old boys have needs, and I'm not just talking about sleep. The walls know what I'm talking about.   
  
Her name is Kellian and she is as beautiful and unique as her name. She doesn't even know I'm alive. That's not exactly true. She knows who I am. I heard her and her friends talking one day in the halls at school. Virgin Camden, they called me. I really hate that nick name.  
  
Maybe I should do something about it. Find a girl, any girl...Ha. As if. No one would look twice at me. Virgin Camden, the preacher's kid. I don't stand a chance. Half the girls at my school go to my dad's church. The other half are either too good or too bad to bother with me.  
  
They don't understand. My father is a preacher. I'm not. I'm a sixteen year old boy with needs. And I want to get laid. Is that so wrong? If these walls could talk, I would ask them. I'd ask them about Matt, when he was my age and sleeping in this room. Did he do the things I do? Did he lay under the covers at night and touch himself? Did he call out some girl's name in the middle of the night?  
  
Kellian. Hers was the only name I knew. I thought of her long, slightly curled auburn hair, held high in a clasp, soft tendrils framing her smooth, pear shaped   
face. I wondered if her breasts were as perfectly rounded as her jaw. Smooth, I   
imagined them, with hard little peaks. Sometimes when I closed my eyes and felt my   
own, I could pretend I was feeling hers.  
  
Then reality kicked in and I remembered. Kellian Foster would never look twice at me. She was the most popular girl in school. She dated jocks and other popular guys. Not the preacher's kid. Not Virgin Camden.  
  
I seriously hated that nick name.   
  
If these walls could take, they would tell my parents what I was thinking. And if my parents knew...I'd probably get locked up in some psychiatric hospital. They'd say I knew better. I was raised better than that. I was raised to believe everyone should wait until their wedding night to have sex.  
  
Bull shit.  
  
No one waited.   
  
I used to think I would wait. I wanted to wait. I wanted to be so in love with the girl, just like my parents taught me. I wanted her to be my whole life, the center of my universe. I wanted to put my ring on her finger before we took that huge step.  
  
That was before high school. That was before Kellian Foster.  
  
Now sex is all I think about. It's all I want to think about.   
  
I bet Kellian has done it a hundred times. Everybody knows the popular kids have sex. I couldn't be upset with her because of it. I certainly wouldn't reject her because of it. Might be nice to be with a girl who knows what she's doing the first time.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End part one. Thanks for reading. Please R/R! I'm not sure if I will continue...your comments could help me with that decision, so PLEASE let me know what you think! Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	2. Lunchtime

TITLE: If These Walls Could Talk (1/1 unless I get enough requests to continue)  
  
AUTHOR: Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com)  
  
DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine, but I wish they were. I own any characters not established on 7th Heaven.  
  
CHARACTERS: The Camden family and a few other familiar faces. Possibly some new faces. Features Simon in the lead role.  
  
SUMMARY: Simon ponders the secrets of his bedroom walls, and a few other things along the way  
  
SPOILERS: None specifically  
  
ARCHIVE: Sure, just let me know  
  
FEEDBACK: Definitely! JjsLuckyStar@aol.com  
  
If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 2/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
The bell was about to ring. Any second. And I'd be late for class. Again. My stupid locker wouldn't open. I banged it with the heel of my hand. Pain resonated up my arm. I hit it just right. Damn it. I hate this locker.  
  
"Need help, Camden?" a voice called.  
  
I looked up. Victoria. Of course it would be Victoria. "You'll be late for class."  
  
"So what?" She turned the dial of my lock. "Combination?" I told her through grit teeth. The lock stuck, but she jerked it hard and it popped open. "You might want to consider getting a new lock."   
  
The bell rang as she walked away, leaving me alone in the deserted hallway. Late again. My History teacher hates me already, and me being late to class every day doesn't help the situation.  
  
I thought about skipping class. But that would be worse. Might be fun for now, but when my parents found out...I didn't even want to think about the punishment, so I trudged to class and suffered through Mr. Murphy's embarrassing acknowledgement of my late entry to class. I would never compare to my brother Matt or sister Lucy, he told me time and time again. They were good kids, great students, and was I sure I came from the same parents?  
  
I hate my family. I wish I could have a different family. I don't want to be the preacher's kid, or Matt's brother, Mary's brother, Lucy's brother. I don't want to be Camden, or Virgin Camden, or one of the Camden kids. I want to be Simon. Just Simon. Is that so much to ask?  
  
I kept my feelings to myself, as usual, and just smiled and apologized to Mr. Murphy as I took my seat at the back of the class, where I had an unobstructed view of Kellian Foster's beautiful head.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I sat in the cafeteria by myself later, picking at the sorry excuse for a lunch the school offers. They called them chicken nuggets, but I looked at them and wondered which end of the chicken they came out of.  
  
Then I looked up at Kellian sitting three tables away with her friends. A much better view. She was laughing and talking, and my heart fluttered at the way she tossed her head and shook her hair behind her shoulders. But of course she didn't even once glance my way--  
  
"She'll never notice you in a million years."  
  
I glared at Victoria as she sat down next to me with her tray. "Shut up."  
  
She ignored me and went about opening her milk. " Girls like her don't notice anyone unless they're as popular as she is. And I'm sorry to tell you, Cam, but you're not."   
  
Victoria is my best friend and has been for years, so I couldn't help but be shocked at how mean she was. Not to mention pissed that she knew. Maybe I should have told her, but Kellian was mine. My secret, my dream, my fantasy. Victoria wouldn't understand. "Don't you have some friends you can sit with?"   
  
"I am." She didn't look at me as she took a bite of her sandwich. Suddenly she was the last person I wanted to be with at the moment.  
  
"Fine. I'll leave."  
  
That got her and she put down her food. "Hey, I'm sorry Simon. I didn't mean anything."  
  
I knew she was truly sorry. We didn't fight often, but when we did it was bad and so we both did our best to avoid anything like that. At the same time there was still a tightness in my chest I couldn't seem to get rid of, and it felt like my nerves were burning. Still, I didn't want to take it out on her. "I'm sorry. I'm just in a bad mood I guess."  
  
She fixed her eyes on me and I couldn't look away. She has weird eyes, so light grey they're almost silver, and she also has this way of looking at you, or me at least, like some kind of bird of prey that has you in its sights and isn't about to let you go till it has what it wants. I squirmed.  
  
"Why do you even waste your time on bitches like her?"  
  
Another wave of irritation washed over me. "Can we not talk about her?"  
  
"Okay." She went to work on her sandwich again, releasing me from her gaze. "What do you want to talk about?"  
  
"Anything. I heard there's a pop quiz in Gibson's class."  
  
"Yeah, but it's easy if you did your homework."  
  
"I did. Most of it." Great. I didn't do any of it. But I wasn't about to tell Victoria that because she always did every bit of homework possible, sometimes even before we leave school.  
  
"Then you should be fine."  
  
"You're not going to tell me the answers are you?"  
  
Victoria chewed in silence. I sighed and looked at my watch. "When is the bell going to ring?"  
  
"Why, can't stand being with me?"  
  
"It's not that. I'm just anxious to get that quiz over with." I snuck a peek at Kellian who was sipping daintily at a soda. When she was done she licked her lips and I almost fell off my seat.  
  
"It's no big deal."   
  
I looked back at Victoria, hoping she hadn't seen me checking out Kellian. "Then why won't you tell me anything?"  
  
That hawk stare again. "Because it's cheating and I don't cheat."  
  
"Since when?"  
  
"Since I grew up."   
  
"You've always helped me before."  
  
"Well, FYI, Gibson said the questions will be different for each class." She picked up an apple.  
  
"Fine. Don't help me."   
  
She dropped the apple on the tray with a thump and stood abruptly. "Why don't you go ask Kellian to help you?"   
  
"Victoria--" Too late. She was gone, dumping the rest of her lunch in a trashcan and through the doors of the cafeteria, her dark hair swinging. There was nothing left for me to do but sit and secretly watch Kellian while feeling bad for making my best friend mad. I wasn't even sure what had happened.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter two. My best friend, Jordan, helped with the second half of the chapter, by providing Victoria's voice and also writing out the narrative. Please R/R to let us know what you think of the chapter! Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	3. Victoria's Walk

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 3/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
  
  
I've known Simon for a long time. Years. I still remember when he wet himself on the playground in kindergarten, but I don't bring that up anymore. Oh, I used to torment him with it when we were kids whenever he made me really mad of course, and occasionally I tried to beat him up. But even then he was way too gallant to hit me back, and me calling him a wimp for it didn't phase him either, I guess because he knew that we both knew it wasn't true.   
  
I feel like beating him up now, actually. Yeah, maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion but I hate being brushed off like that. I hate seeing him mooning around after Kellian Foster. He probably thinks he's been hiding it this whole time, but how can he when he looks like one of the wolves in a cartoon every time he sees her? He does everything but howl.   
  
A few months ago it probably wouldn't have bothered me. A few months ago I just considered him my best friend. But over the summer I started to realise I was thinking about him more than usual, and not just in a friend kind of way. I started wondering what it would be like to go on a date with him, to kiss him, to walk around in public holding hands. At first I was so embarrassed by myself I tried not to think about it, but then I noticed how my heart jumped every time I saw him or he called, and I'd get all shivery inside when I was with him. And if he happened to touch me in any way, even just a brush of his fingers on my hand when he took something from me, I tingled. I don't think he noticed though because he doesn't think that way about me. He didn't even say anything when I started wearing a little bit of makeup and sexier clothes. Other guys did, but not good old reliable Simon. Especially once that new chick Kellian came to our school this year. He was gone the first time he saw her.   
  
I can't tell him how I feel. He's not the least bit interested, and it would make our friendship all funky. Good thing I'm a lot better at hiding things than he is; then again, it's easy with a blockhead like him. He thinks no girl would be interested in him because he's a preacher's kid, a "good boy" and stuff. These days I want to kick him every time I see him. That would make him notice me.  
* * *  
I'm standing around by the lockers waiting for him after school because that's where we usually meet so he can give me a ride home. I have a car of my own but I like to ride with Simon. Even today when I'm mad at him.  
  
But I'm there forever and he doesn't show. Maybe he's pissed at me because I wouldn't tell him anything about that stupid pop quiz. Or maybe he's off somewhere watching Kellian Foster practice her cheers. After ten minutes I'm so furious I feel like crying. And mad at myself too for waiting around so long. Fine then. I'll walk. I don't want to speak to him right now anyway.  
  
By road my house is about five miles away from the school. But there's a shortcut that leads behind the school, some shops, and a little bit of woods that cuts the trip down to three miles. Not much better, but maybe the exercise will help me calm down. I head for the trail walking fast, ignoring all the little groups of people standing around talking, making plans for dates over the weekend, etc. I could have a date if I really wanted and I've gone out on a few, but the truth is no one measures up to Simon. Simon Simon, stupid Simon. I kick a rock.  
* * *  
I've been walking for awhile, charging along with my head down when I hear jogging footsteps behind me. For a brief, irrational moment I think, "It's Simon. He saw me leave and he's running to catch up with me." But when I turn around it's not Simon. It's Gene Blackwood, former football and baseball star, class president and most popular guy in our school before he graduated last year. I admit I was one of the girls who secretly gazed at him whenever he happened to be in my field of vision, but since I was a freshman and he was a senior, he didn't know I existed. Hmm. Sounds familiar.  
  
He's wearing jogging shorts and a tank top, and his dark hair is pulled back into a short ponytail. God, he's beautiful, and as built as ever, skin golden and glistening from sweat. I almost lose my breath.  
  
Gene smiles when he sees me and slows. His teeth are perfect and white, and he has a dimple. "Where are you off to so fast?"   
  
"Um, just going home." I try to sound casual but I'm suddenly nervous.   
  
As he reaches me he stops, his breath puffing hard. A piece of hair falls over his forehead and he scoops it back with his hand. "Hey, don't you go to Glen Oak?"  
  
Oh my God. He knows who I am? My heart beats as if I'm the one who's been running. "Yes. I'm Victoria Hennessy."  
  
"Oh yeah." He nods, looking thoughtful. "I remember you."  
  
"You do?" My voice squeaks a little and I try to cover it by babbling. "I didn't know...I mean because I was a freshman and all...."   
  
"Of course. How could anyone forget eyes like those?"  
"Thanks." I know I'm blushing because my cheeks feel warm. Hell, my whole body feels warm and my mind races to think of something to say to him. "I thought you went away to college."  
  
"I did, but it's fall break." He smiles again and I melt. "I guess that means you know who I am."  
  
"Uhhh...." I'm blushing again, but this time for a different reason. He laughs.  
  
"It's okay. Don't be embarrassed." He glances ahead of us, then behind. No one else is in sight.   
  
"Hey, want some company for the rest of your walk?"  
  
"Okay." I take a deep breath but it doesn't eliminate the excitement pulsing through me. Gene Blackwood of all people! I wish Simon could see me now. 


	4. Your Friend, Simon

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 4/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
Simon  
I couldn't concentrate on anything that night. I'd bombed the pop quiz earlier of course, but I knew it was my own fault and none of it Victoria's. I shouldn't have pushed her like that, especially since she's been kind of touchy lately. I planned to apologize to her, I really did. Right after the last bell when I was about to leave the bathroom to meet her, I heard Kellian's voice just on the other side of the door. She was talking to one of the basketball players, Wyatt Davis, and it was either stay inside the bathroom and listen, or go right out in the middle of it. He murmured something, she giggled, I groaned. By the time their footsteps moved down the hall and I could come out, the hallways were empty. No Victoria by my locker. I looked for her out front, but she wasn't there, and she wasn't waiting by my car either.  
  
I drove home alone and couldn't get rid of the uncomfortable feeling rolling around inside. What had gone wrong? It wasn't even really a fight was it? Just a little...crap. I pounded the steering wheel, then again when I thought of Kellian and Wyatt. Everything sucked.   
  
Later, after a few unsuccessful attempts at my homework, I knew I could do at least one thing right. I picked up the phone in my room and dialed Victoria's number. It rang. And rang and rang and rang. I looked at the clock. Almost 7:30, certainly not too late, and the Hennessys were always home on Thursday nights. Most of the time anyway. When the machine kicked in I was caught off-guard. "Um, Victoria, it's me. Uh, call me." Damn.  
  
* * *  
In the morning after I got ready I tried Victoria's number again, certain she or one of her parents would answer.   
  
"Hi, you've reached the Hennessys. We're not in right now so please leave a--"  
  
I hung up and decided to just drive to her house like usual.  
* * *   
  
I parked my car in front and walked up the sidewalk. Victoria lives in a pretty fancy place since her dad's a district attorney hoping to become a senator, but she's never acted like a rich kid. Most people probably don't even know since she doesn't talk about it. She tells me she likes to ride to school with me just because she likes the company, but I also know she's embarrassed to drive the new BMW her parents got her for her 16th birthday.   
  
I don't know why I felt nervous as I rang the doorbell, but I shifted from foot to foot and stuffed my hands in my pockets. The shades were drawn and everything seemed way to quiet and still. I was about to turn away when the door opened and my heart jumped in relief...until I saw Mrs. Hennessy standing there instead of Victoria.  
  
  
"Simon." She cut me off before I could say anything. "Victoria's not going to school today."  
  
"Oh." I didn't even think about what I was doing when I tried to peer behind her. She stepped to the side, blocking my view.  
  
"She's very very sick."  
  
My eyes jerked to her face, and for the first time I saw the shadows beneath her eyes. "What's the matter?"  
  
"She'll be all right soon. It's a really bad case of the flu. It just hit her out of the blue last night. You know how that happens."  
  
"Yeah." I glanced up at Victoria's bedroom window, shades drawn tight. "Well, please tell her I hope she feels better soon, okay?"  
  
"Of course. Goodbye, Simon."  
  
"And I'll--" I looked back at the door. It was closed, and silence settled over me again. I turned and walked slowly back to my car. I didn't feel like going to school.  
* * *   
All day at school I was torn between thinking about Kellian and worrying about Victoria. She didn't get sick often, so I knew it had to be pretty bad, and her mom looked like she'd stayed up all night with her or something.   
  
I wanted to get her flowers and a card but decided to wait until the next day to give her some time to get better. So on Saturday that was the first thing I did. I wanted to get her roses but I couldn't remember the color for friendship, so I settled for six nice, neutral white ones. Inside the card I wrote, Please feel better soon. I miss you. Your friend, Simon. I really wanted to write how sorry I was about the other day, but I also didn't want her parents reading our personal business.  
  
The Hennessy house looked the same as it had the day before and my heart sank. At the same time I knew firsthand that the flu could hit fast and hard, and stick around for awhile.   
  
Mrs. Hennessy answered the door again. She looked the same too, but except for the bags under her eyes she was perfectly dressed and made up like always. She didn't smile when she saw me though. I held up the flowers and card anyway.  
  
"These are for Victoria. Is she feeling any better?"  
  
"Yes, a little bit. Thank you, Simon." She took the things from me.  
  
"Can I see her?"   
  
  
"No dear, I'm sorry. She's not up to seeing anyone or talking right now, and we wouldn't want you to get sick too. We'll let you know when she's feeling better, okay?"  
  
"Okay." But I got the message. "Will you call me?"  
  
"Sure." The smile she gave me didn't reach her eyes. "Goodbye now."  
  
"Bye."  
  
I watched her shut the door. Why did I feel so afraid?  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~  
  
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	5. Victoria Returns

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 5/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
Simon  
  
I didn't go anywhere over the weekend except downstairs for meals and back upstairs to my room, avoiding my family as much as possible. I kept my door locked and told them I was studying for a big history test on Monday. It worked and I was left alone. Unfortunately, the phone didn't ring either. I thought about calling Victoria again but only stared at the phone, willing it to ring, praying for it to ring. I didn't realise until Sunday night as I tossed and turned in bed that I hadn't once thought about Kellian.  
  
Victoria wasn't at school on Monday, but that didn't surprise me. The week seemed to crawl by and still no Victoria, and no phone call either. I found myself driving by her house at night hoping to see something, anything that would let me know how she was. The house looked normal from the outside, yet at the same time it seemed like an impenetrable shell I could not get into.   
* * *  
On Wednesday I did the same thing I did every day first thing after I got to school: I looked down the hall towards Victoria's locker, holding my breath. And she was there. As much as I'd been hoping for it, the sight of her took me by surprise and I stumbled.   
  
"Victoria!"  
  
Even from far away she heard me and turned her head, smiling faintly as I walked towards her.   
  
"Hey, welcome back," I said when I reached her, wondering if I sounded as giddy with relief as I felt. "I've been really worried about you."  
  
"Yeah. Thanks, Simon." She rummaged in her locker.  
  
"I stopped by a couple of times. I guess your mom told you. Did you get my flowers?"   
  
"Mmmm hmmm."  
  
Close up I saw that she was pale, with violet shadows beneath her eyes. And somehow she seemed a little thinner. "It must have been really nasty. Are you sure you're ready to be back at school?"  
  
"Yes. The doctor said I'm not contagious anymore, and I feel better."  
  
"Good. I've been feeling really guilty since the last time we talked we had a fight."  
  
She looked at me. "We did?"  
  
Maybe I'd made more out of it than I should have. "That day in the cafeteria when you wouldn't help me with Gibson's test. The day before you got sick."  
  
I thought I saw her flinch just a little. "Oh. Oh yeah."  
  
"Let me carry your books." I reached for them before she could protest, and she offered no resistance.  
  
"I missed a lot. My mom came and got my assignments but I really didn't feel like doing them. I'm probably still behind."  
  
"I could help you after school if you want. At lunch too."  
  
"My mom's coming to get me after school. Lunch...I guess that's okay."  
  
That was odd. I always gave her a ride home. "Maybe I could come over to your house. I could help you with Gibson's stuff. He's covered a lot of material lately."   
  
"Um...okay, but I'll have to ask my mom."  
  
I almost asked her why she'd have to clear that with her mom, but something told me not to. Maybe it was the distant way she was talking to me, or the almost blank look in her eyes.   
  
"Victoria, are you sure you're all right?"  
  
"Huh? Yes, I'm feeling better now."  
  
"You don't look very good. I think you need to sit down."  
  
She tried to smile. "Is it time for class? I shouldn't be late you know."  
  
I saw her sway and dropped her books just as she began to fall, but I caught her, surprised at how light she seemed even though she was only a couple of inches shorter than me.   
  
"Victoria?"  
  
She gasped and her eyes fluttered open. People were stopping to stare. "What happened?"  
  
"You passed out. I told you you weren't ready to be back at school." The bell rang and everyone, seeing that the excitement was over, scattered into classrooms except for the usual stragglers, leaving us virtually alone.   
  
She tried to push me away from her but there was no strength in her. "I have to go to class."  
  
"No way. I'm taking you to the clinic. You need to lay down."  
  
"No, I've already missed enough school already." She struggled again.  
  
"I don't care." I didn't even think about doing it, but I stood and scooped her into my arms. She yelped as I started walking, even though she held onto my neck.  
  
"Simon, put me down. I'm okay."  
  
"I don't want to put you down."  
  
"You're going to make me miss another class." Tears filled her eyes but I kept going. "I'm okay."  
  
"Okay is not passing out in the hall."  
  
"It was just a little spell. I'm fine now. Put me down and I'll show you."  
  
I didn't answer her. Damn, the girl could be as stubborn as I don't know what sometimes, always had been. The easiest thing to do at times like these was ignore her.  
  
Outside the clinic I kicked the door, hoping someone would answer.   
  
"Simon Camden!"  
  
"Victoria Hennessy!" I kicked the door again.  
  
"Just...let me call my mom to come get me so I can go to a real doctor. I don't want to see these quacks," she whispered.   
  
"It's a place to lay down. They'll call your mom."  
  
"I don't want to lay down. I'll call Mom myself." She sounded weary, like the only thing in the world she wanted was to sleep.  
  
"You are so stubborn."   
  
The nurse opened the door. "What's going on out here?"  
  
"She passed out."  
  
"I'm okay now, though."  
  
I grit my teeth. "No she's not. She's been sick and she needs to go home."  
  
"No, I've missed too much already. I have to go to class."   
  
The nurse sized her up. "Honey, I think you're friend is right. You don't look well at all. Come on in here and lie down." She led us into the room with the cots and indicated one. "What's your name, sweetheart?"  
  
"Victoria Hennessy." I answered for her as I gently lowered Victoria onto a bed. She was limp, and tears leaked from beneath her closed eyelids as the nurse bustled away to presumably call Mrs. Hennessy.  
  
"You jerk." Victoria's voice was faint and she turned her face away from me.   
  
"Hey, I'm just looking out for you." I had a sudden urge to brush away a curl of hair that lay across her cheek, but something told me not to touch her. 


	6. Secrets

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 6/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
  
I didn't see Victoria for the rest of the day, so I assumed her mother had taken her home. After school I tried calling again but it was the same old thing. No answer.  
  
I was surprised to see her the next day but she acted like nothing had happened. Except that she wasn't acting like Victoria. Whenever she looked at me her eyes didn't meet mine, and everything she said was brief, and she made some excuse to leave. For the rest of the week I kept trying to tell myself it was just because she'd been sick and wasn't feeling up to par yet, but something kept nagging at me. There was something wrong. I just couldn't figure out what.  
* * *  
Friday morning and I was having the same trouble with my locker that I always did. I felt the frustration rising inside and I knew it was more than the locker. I'd been so pissy all week my family was starting to notice. Now I kicked the locker and glanced down the hallway towards Victoria's. She was there; surely she'd heard me cursing, seen me fighting with it. In fact as I looked at her she glanced at me, but only collected her books and started off in the opposite direction.  
  
"Victoria! Wait. We need to talk." I ran after her.   
  
She pushed her hair from her face. "Oh uh...Simon, it's almost time for class."  
  
Victoria has always been into school, but even on her best days she was never this hung up on it. "I know. But I can't get my locker open. You can always get that lock. Do you mind?"   
  
She hesitated and I almost thought she was going to say no before she turned and headed back to my locker. "Combination?" I told her, just as I had the day last week when she opened it for me. Last week. It seemed like a year ago.   
  
"There. See you."  
  
I found myself staring blankly at an open locker, then the back of my best friend's head as she walked away.  
* * *  
I looked for her as soon as I walked into the cafeteria at lunch and saw her alone at a table in the corner. I don't know why I almost felt nervous on my way over there, but I attempted to hide it as I plopped down across from her. "Is this seat taken?"  
  
Victoria looked up from the book she was reading. "No."  
  
"Good. Mind if I sit?"   
  
"Sure."   
  
She went back to her book, leaving me to notice the curtness of her voice, and the fact that her lunch, while spread out before her, remained untouched. "What's wrong, Victoria?"  
  
"Nothing. I'm just trying to get some reading done for English."  
  
"I don't believe that," I shook my head.  
  
She held up To Kill A Mockingbird. "See? Required reading. You should be reading it too."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "I mean I don't believe that's what's going on. Something's wrong. I can tell."   
  
"Nothing's wrong," she said, shrugging. "I picked the worst time to get sick. I missed two tests, did you know that? It's not easy trying to catch up."  
  
I didn't really know what to say to that. "I guess."  
  
"So. I'm going to read, okay?"  
  
"Okay. I'm going to try to find something edible in this slop."   
  
But my appetite was as nonexistent as hers. She ignored me but I watched her, noticing how her eyes moved way too fast over the words to really be reading them, and she turned the pages too quickly. When the bell rang she jumped and slammed the book shut.  
  
  
"Victoria?" I reached across the table and closed my fingers around her arm. She winced and pulled away with a small grimace of pain.   
  
"What, Simon?"  
  
"Nothing. You'll be late for class. I'll see you later."   
  
"Yeah. Bye."  
  
I watched her as she gathered her things and threw away her lunch, then practically ran from the cafeteria. I had barely touched her arm and yet she reacted as though I'd hurt her. I sat there for so long that the second bell rang and I was late for class. I didn't care.  
* * *  
After school I made it outside just in time to see Victoria getting into her mother's car. I still couldn't get over how strange everything was, how screwed up. I drove around for awhile trying to clear my head, trying to figure things out, but nothing made sense. Was I overreacting or reading too much into things? After all, it was only the flu. Right?  
  
Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. Before I knew it I was walking up her sidewalk and ringing the doorbell. I expected her mother to answer like before, but after so much time passed that I was about to give up, the door opened and Victoria peeked out. "Simon?"  
  
"Hi."   
  
"Um, I'm studying. Could I maybe call you later or something?" Her eyes were dull like lead, and she held her right arm funny against her body. I stifled the surge of alarm that raced through my body.  
  
"Maybe I could help you study."  
  
"No, it's okay. I know you have your own homework and stuff."  
  
" I really don't mind," I said, stepping inside.   
  
"Simon, please. It's okay really."  
  
"No it's not okay. You're my bet friend, Victoria, and you've been avoiding me like the plague."  
  
That got her. She blinked. "I just...I didn't want you to get what I had."   
  
Right then I noticed a small bloom of red forming on her sleeve. I almost made a sound but something told me to keep calm, that if I panicked she would panic. I swallowed and forced my voice to remain normal. "Don't breath too close to me and I'm sure I'll be fine. You can't be contagious anymore anyway."  
  
"Yeah um...Simon, I don't feel very well. I was getting ready to take a nap when you rang the doorbell so um...I'll call you, okay?"  
  
"Your arm is bleeding," I said matter-of-factly. "Did you hurt yourself."   
  
She looked down and her mouth dropped open. "Um...I...no..." Color stained her cheeks.  
  
"What happened? You're bleeding, Victoria. Take your sweater off. It looks serious."  
  
"No, it's not." She backed up a couple of steps. "I'm okay."  
  
"You are not!" I didn't mean for my voice to rise, but it shot out of me and hit her like an arrow to the chest. She gasped and stared at me with wide eyes for just a second before she burst into tears. I guided her to the sofa and stroked her hair. "What happened, Victoria?"  
  
She only cried.  
  
"Did you fall?"  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"Bump into something?"  
  
"No, Simon." She took a deep shuddering breath and moved away from me. "I did it."  
  
"Did it? What did you do?"   
  
"I cut myself." Her voice was small.  
  
"You...you cut yourself?"   
  
She nodded without looking at me, completely miserable. My mind flashed back to the brief discussion about cutting we'd had in health class a few weeks ago. Something about some people cut themselves to release pain somehow, but I hadn't understood at all and we hadn't talked about it long, so I'd forgotten about it. Victoria hung her head, tears sliding down her cheeks.  
  
"Tory, what's going on?" I whispered.   
  
She flinched at her childhood nickname. "Simon, I can't tell you. Please...go away. Please. Leave."  
  
"You know I can't do that. You're hurt. You're upset. I'm not leaving you alone."   
  
"I'm not hurt. It's just a little cut."   
  
"Little cuts don't bleed like this." The red bloom was growing wider.  
  
"Simon..." she groaned.  
  
"First thing you need to do is clean yourself up."   
  
"I will." She got to her feet.  
  
"I'll stay right here."  
  
For a moment she seemed to teeter, poised like a bird about to take flight. And she did. Before I could react she was running up the stairs, and by the time I followed her, calling her name, the slam of her bedroom door echoed throughout the house.  
~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~  
Please R/R, it makes us happy! Thanks! 


	7. The Visit

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 7/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
  
  
"Victoria!" I tried the doorknob. "Victoria, please!"  
  
"Go away, Simon! Go away and leave me alone!" She was crying hysterically.  
  
"I can't do that." I pressed my forehead against her door as my eyes blurred. I wanted my dad. Dad would know what to do. I prayed that Victoria was not hurting herself even more in there.  
  
I heard the sound of someone coming into the house, then her mother's voice. "Victoria?"  
  
The sobs on the other side of the door stopped abruptly. I wiped my face with my shirt and turned to Mrs. Hennessy as she came up the stairs. Her face when she saw me went cold, her spine rigid. "Young man, what are you doing?"  
  
Chills broke over me at her words and expression. She had never looked at me or spoken to me like that in all the years I'd known the Hennessys. Now she was acting as though I was just some stranger, some boy bothering her daughter. My throat tightened.   
  
"Um, Mrs. Hennessy. Hi. I um, I came to help Victoria study."   
  
Her eyes flicked to the door then back to me. I felt like a bug pinned to a piece of cardboard. "Victoria is doing fine on her own. I'll have to ask you to leave now."  
  
"Something's wrong with her. I--"  
  
"I'll take care of that. Goodbye."  
  
I knew better than to continue. She stood aside to let me pass as I walked down the stairs. At the bottom I glanced up. She hadn't moved and was watching me with no expression. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.  
  
* * *  
  
I didn't think I'd be able to sleep that night but somehow I did eventually, although I was restless and woke several times. It was almost three in the morning and I was certain something had woken me up this time. I lay there, trying to figure it out when the sound happened again, like tiny pebbles tinkling against the glass of my window. I lept from my bed and went to look. Victoria stood there on the front lawn, arms wrapped around herself.   
  
I ran from my room, slipping in my socks on the steps. Outside the night air was cool, and goosebumps broke out all over me, especially when I saw Victoria up close. In the silver moonlight she was a ghost, her eyes haunted and shocked.  
  
"Simon, can I come in?"  
  
"Yes! Of course." I started to take her arm, then drew back my hand. "We can go up to my room. Just...be quiet so we don't wake anyone.   
  
She nodded and didn't resist when I touched her shoulder and lead her into the house and upstairs. Once in my room she sat down on the edge of my bed immediately while I shut and locked the door and turned to her. Our eyes met, and the hairs on the back of my neck rose at the pain I saw in hers. But her mouth was set in a grim and determined line, and even as I came to sit next to her she was taking off her sweater. She wore short sleeves underneath, and her right forearm was bandaged. She unwound this to expose a long, deep, scabbed-over cut.  
  
"Oh Tory..."  
  
"I didn't mean to go so deep. It was an accident."  
  
I wanted to be sick. How could she do this to herself and why? Was she trying to kill herself? I knew Victoria Hennessy better than anyone, or at least I thought I did. Looking into her eyes again, I realised I didn't.   
  
I stared at the cut again. The edges were inflamed. "Is it infected?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"I don't think it is yet. Will you let me clean it with alcohol?"  
  
She nodded.   
  
"Don't move."   
  
I went into my bathroom and gathered some rubbing alcohol, cotton balls, and Band-Aids; I didn't have any actual bandages. Before I went back out to her I stopped to gather myself. I was in way over my head but I couldn't let Victoria know that. She trusted me or else she wouldn't be here, and I knew she was going to tell me something. I looked around me. If these walls could talk, what would they say after tonight?  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thanks for all the R/R so far! More more more! :) 


	8. Victoria's Story

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 8/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
Victoria  
  
  
Waiting for Simon to come out of the bathroom is hell. I almost get up and leave several times, though he's only gone for a couple of minutes. My arm is throbbing, and it reminds me why I came here.   
  
He's back again, his face concerned, worried, his eyebrows knit together. What will his expression be when I tell him what happened? He sits on the bed next to me and the mattress sags a bit, bringing me closer to him. I move away but he doesn't seem to notice.  
  
"This will probably sting," he says, opening the rubbing alcohol. "We have some peroxide but it's in my parents' room and I don't want to risk going in there right now."  
  
"Yeah." A little sting would be nothing.  
  
He dabs a little bit onto a cotton ball and takes my arm. "Ready?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
I barely feel it when the liquid touches me, but Simon draws in air between his teeth, as if it hurts him. "Okay?"  
  
"I'm okay."   
  
He carefully rubs the cut, then sets the cotton ball aside. It dries in seconds and he starts tearing open several Band-Aids. He smiles. "Sorry about these. They're all I've got."  
  
"That's fine, Simon."  
  
The cut takes six of them to cover it, and we're silent as he works. He could be a doctor someday, his fingers light and gentle, determined not to hurt me anymore than I've hurt myself. When he's finished he looks up too quickly for me to drop my eyes before they meet his.  
  
"Tory, what happened?"   
  
As I look away I feel him take my hand. All I want is to leave; I shouldn't have come here but now it's too late.   
  
There's more silence because he's waiting for me. He doesn't want to push me and he's giving me a chance to gather myself, to talk to him at my own pace. Could I have asked for a better friend? But how do you tell someone what I have to tell him? I've never had to do this before. I don't know how.  
  
"Simon...I was raped."  
  
"What?"   
  
He jerks back as though he's been slapped, but he doesn't let go of my hand. Instead, he laces his fingers with mine and I feel a strange wash of relief. I didn't want to admit it, but a part of me wondered if he would reject me when I told him. Of course not. I want to look at him again but I can't, so I focus on our hands.  
  
"Last Thursday, when you didn't show up, I decided to walk home. I took the path behind the school. For awhile no one else was on it, but then..." I swallow and find I can't say his name.  
  
"Tory, if you don't want to tell me this...."  
  
"No," I croak. "I have to."  
  
He nods.  
  
"Gene Blackwood...remember him?...he was out jogging and he came along and started talking to me. He seemed really nice and all...and I thought he was cute." I almost spit the words. "He asked if I wanted company for the rest of the walk and I said okay." I take a deep breath. "So we started walking together, and talking a little bit and it was fine. The sun was shining and there were birds singing and it wasn't too cold. I didn't even think..."  
  
"Shhh, take your time."   
  
"I didn't think anything like that would happen, you know? After a few minutes he stopped me. He told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd seen in a long time, and could he kiss me? I said okay, because at first I wanted him to. But as soon as he started doing it I thought about how I didn't even know him and what was I doing? So I pulled away and said I really needed to go home. And it's like....it's like he changed right in front of me. Like some kind of monster. He said most girls would give money to be kissing him, and who the hell did I think I was leading him on like that? He called me a cock-tease and then he said...he said no one did that kind of thing to him and he'd teach me a lesson. I tried to run but he grabbed me and threw me down so hard that I couldn't breathe. I tried to scream but I couldn't breathe and nothing came out, and then he was on top of me. He slammed my head against the ground and his hand was over my mouth. I couldn't even bite him. I couldn't do anything but lay there while he raped me. Maybe I fainted because I don't really remember much after that. I only remember him saying, 'Bitch' when he finished, and then he got off and pulled up his shorts and said I'd better not tell anyone because no one would believe me. Any girl would give anything to fuck him and I just got lucky. Then he left. I didn't get up for a long time. It was like I couldn't move, even after it started to get dark. I wanted it to be dark. I didn't want anyone to see me."  
  
"Oh Tory."   
  
I don't realise I'm crying until he reaches up to brush a tear away with his fingers. When I look up I see that he's crying too, silent tears coursing down his cheeks. "I should have given you a ride that day like always. I should have--"  
  
"No!" He blinks at my outburst. "Simon Camden, don't you dare say it's your fault. Don't you dare. Don't you dare..."  
  
I lose control then and begin to sob. His arms are around me, pulling me to his chest, and for the first time in days I feel safe. But it's not everything. I can't tell him everything. There are just some things Simon can't know. It's always been that way.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Please R/R. It makes us VERY happy! Thanks! 


	9. Promises

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 9/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
  
Victoria   
  
I pull away from him and wipe my eyes. "It's not your fault anyway. It's mine. I'm the one who went on the trail by myself like an idiot that day. I'm the one who let him kiss me. I'm the one who didn't fight him harder..."  
  
"No. No, Tory. It's not your fault. You had every right to be there, to walk home."  
  
"It was stupid. Everyone knows you shouldn't do stuff like that, but I wasn't even thinking."  
  
"You should be allowed to walk home from school without fear."  
  
"But I wasn't." I go still and look into his eyes. "It doesn't matter anyway. It happened and I have to live with it."  
  
"Well, you're not alone anymore." He reaches up and runs his fingers through my hair, gently untangling the curls. A week ago I would have been thrilled, but Simon is just another boy to me now. No, not just any boy. My friend. But my friend only.   
  
"I know," I whisper. "My parents don't want me to tell anyone. But I had to tell you."  
  
"I'm glad you did, Tory. You shouldn't keep this to yourself." He gives a little tentative smile. "You know I'm right here, night or day, whenever you need me."  
  
"I know."   
  
"Is there anything I can do?"  
  
I glance down at my arm and hold it up. "You already did."  
  
He nods and seems unable to tear his eyes away from the bandages. I pulled it self-consciously against my stomach. "I should probably go."  
  
"Wait." He snaps back to attention. "Tory, what are you going to do?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"About...about Gene."  
  
The name falls into the air like a heavy stone and chills break over my body. "Oh." I have to make it so the name doesn't touch me, so that I don't remember every single detail of that afternoon whenever I think about him. I straighten and mentally try to draw a curtain over my thoughts. "He was right. No one would believe me."  
  
Simon's eyebrows shoot up into his hair. "You can't just let him get away with it."  
  
"Yes I can."  
  
"How?"  
  
"I'll try to forget."  
  
He takes my hands in his, something else that would have sent me into 7th heaven a week ago. He's never touched me this way before, but my fingers are cold. "Do you think that's possible?"  
  
I turn my thoughts away from the nightmares that I have every night. "I guess I'll have to see, won't I?"  
  
"Tory..."  
  
"Simon, I can't tell anyone else. No one would believe me, and my father's career...I only told you because I trust you, but you have to promise, you have to swear, that you won't tell anyone."  
  
I don't know that I'm squeezing his hands too hard until he pulls them away with a grimace. "But my dad can help you, Tory. He helps people all the time."  
  
"No. I don't want his help."  
  
He takes a deep breath. "Then will you let me help you?" For a second I think he might cry. It takes me off-guard and my throat closes.   
  
"How can you do that?"  
  
"I don't know. I'll do anything. I'll listen if you need to talk. I'll be there for you. No matter what."  
  
Now I think I might cry and I try to blink the tears away. I want to ask if he'll come stay with me so that I won't be afraid anymore.   
  
"Tory, would your parents let you stay here tonight?"  
  
"No, they don't know I'm gone."  
  
"You could call them. Tell them you're staying with a friend."  
  
Right now I think that I would sell my soul for that if I could. But it's impossible. "No, it's too late. They're asleep."   
  
He sighs. "Well, I'm going to walk you home at least." He starts to get up, but something occurs to me and I grab his arm.  
  
"Simon, you have to promise you won't tell anyone."   
  
"You know I won't." He looks perplexed that I might doubt him. But I have to be sure; I have to hear him say it.  
  
"And...that means you also have to promise not to tell anyone...what I did."   
  
His eyes drop to my arm again, then lift back to my face. "I won't."  
  
Relief leaves me weak, and suddenly more tired than I knew. "Thank you."  
  
"Come on, I'll take you home."  
***  
We're silent until we get outside of my house. Then, as we walk down the sidewalk he says, "Tory, I want you to promise me something too."  
  
I almost stumble, but I stay calm. "What?"  
  
"If you feel like cutting, you'll call me. I'll get a cell phone tomorrow so you can always reach me. Day or night."  
  
I don't expect that. "I..."  
  
He reaches for my arm, but stops just short of grabbing it, remembering. "Promise me, Victoria."  
  
I stop too but keep my head down so that my hair blows across my face. I want to run. "That's different."  
  
He makes a choking sound and I look up to see tears spilling down his face in the moonlight. "You're my best friend, Victoria, and I have never thought about what I would do if I lost you until tonight. I am so scared, Tory. I am so scared you are going to go home and hurt yourself really bad right now."  
  
I'm almost struck dumb by the force of his emotions. We stare at each other for what seems forever until I'm finally able to speak. "I...I'm not, Simon. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I just...I didn't mean to cut this deep. I don't usually..." I stop because I don't want him to know there's been more. Years worth of more.   
  
"Just...promise you'll call me before you do it. Please. Maybe talking to me, you won't have to do it." His eyes shimmer.  
  
I should have stayed home and never told him anything. It wasn't fair to drag him down in any way into my secret world. "Okay, Simon. I'll call you."  
  
My house looms over us like a stern face, the darkened windows watching us. I can't stand it. "Thank you for walking me home."  
  
He steps closer to me, then steps away. "You're welcome. I'll see you at school tomorrow, right?"  
  
"Yes and...thank you for everything." I break and run because I have to get away from him. I can't hold things inside any longer, and I'm crying by the time I reach my front door. When I look back at him he's just a blur, still standing there.  
***  
Simon  
  
I didn't move until she was safe inside and even for a few minutes after that I stayed on her sidewalk. I wanted to stay there forever and guard her. I wanted to find Gene Blackwood and beat his face into a bloody pulp. I wanted to tell my parents.  
  
Strange feelings wound through my heart. There was the dark sadness I felt for Victoria, especially since I saw the other scars on her arm. They were faint and small, but I knew this wasn't the first time she'd cut herself. All the years I'd known her, and I'd never even guessed at anything like that. But why? She'd always seemed so stable, if not always exactly happy. Her parents gave her anything she wants, but she wasn't a snob. She was quiet and kind and smart...and fragile. And beautiful.   
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Thanks for reading, and please send us some feedback! :) 


	10. Long Night

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 10/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry it's been so long since this story was updated. I hope you guys are still interested enough to read and review. Thanks for sticking with us, you guys are the best!   
  
*~Victoria~*  
  
I close the door and stand there for a moment, trying to keep my breathing quiet. It echoes in the marble foyer anyway.   
  
"Victoria."  
  
My father's voice ricochets off the walls, followed by my sharp gasp. My tears stop instantly in the dead silence that follows, and I can make out his silhouette nearby as my eyes adjust to the darkness.   
  
"Dad..."  
  
"Where have you been?"  
  
How long has he been waiting? How long has he known I was gone. I open my mouth to speak but my throat closes, my voice catching in my chest.  
  
"I asked you a question."  
  
"I..."  
  
"God damn it." He strides forward until he's standing over me as I press my back against the door. "Do you know why bad things happen to you, Victoria? Because you're a stupid little bitch just like your mother. I work hard to take care of you and this is how to repay me, by running around like an idiot alone at night?"  
  
"But Dad, I was with--"  
  
"Oh shut up. Just shut up and get out of my sight. I can't stand to look at you anymore."   
  
I lower my head as I brush past him and up the stairs. In my room I lock the door. I'm filled with a strange sense of calm now as I kneel on the floor and reach beneath my mattress. My fingers close around the slim, cold X-Acto knife, the one that used to be my mom's when she was an artist. A sigh of relief escapes me and I pull it out. The blade is wicked sharp, so sharp that you can't feel it if you happen to slice the tip of your finger while working on a project. But if you punch the tip in and drag it down your skin, creating a little valley that wells up with a river of blood, that's when the pain comes. You watch the blood fill the valley and spill over, dripping down your arm in rivulets, slow at first, then faster when they reach the bottom, heavy and dark and red, so beautifully red....  
  
I take off my sweater, but when I look down I see it, the row of Band-Aids marching down my arm. A chill breaks over my body and I can't stop staring, can't stop until my eyes are dry from not blinking, and then I do several times to fight the burning behind them. I let the knife drop onto the bed, my hand nerveless, fingers shaking. I promised him. I promised.  
  
"Oh God." I sink to my knees and cover my head with my arms. I stay that way all night even when my body cramps, even though I will be stiff in the morning. I never move.   
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*~Simon~*  
  
I don't think I slept at all that night. I couldn't stop thinking about Victoria and what kind of pain could have driven her to cut herself like that. Some of the scars I saw on her arm looked pretty old, she had to have been cutting long before Gene Blackwood raped her.   
  
Everytime I closed my eyes I saw those scars. Mostly the recent one, all black and crusty around the edges.   
  
I've never understood why people cut. Self injury seems a silly way to ease your pain, because it seems to me it only creates more pain. Maybe that was the point; create physical pain to ease the mental anguish.   
  
I eventually gave up the idea of sleep and got out of bed. I pulled a box off my closet shelf and sat on my bed with it. The pocket knife The Colonel gave me a few years ago should be in the box. I found it and opened it up.  
  
I ran my finger over the edge, feeling the sharpness of it. I wondered what Victoria had used to cut herself. Scissors, a kitchen knife, a razor, maybe a pocket knife like this one.   
  
I rolled up my sleeve and held the point of the knife where Victoria's cut had started, just below the shoulder. My skin gave just a little but the knife wanted to push into my flesh with the slightest pressure.  
  
I stopped myself before I drew blood, because I had to be strong for her. And cutting myself wouldn't help her at all.   
  
I sat for a long time just staring at the knife, wondering what Victoria was doing right then. She should be asleep, but I would have bet she was awake all night just as I had been.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
My alarm scared me when it went off, filling my room with a horrible screeching beep. I jumped up and shut it off.  
  
I didn't feel like going to school and facing the day. After last night, it seemed like going to school was a waste of time. What would I learn in algebra or geography that would help me help Victoria?   
  
Once I got to school, my focus was to find Victoria. She wasn't at her locker, so I went to check her homeroom class. Not there either. I started back to her locker to wait for her.   
  
Instead I ran into Kellian Foster.   
  
"Hey, Simon," Kellian smiled and flipped her head to accentuate her hair.  
  
I forced myself to smile at her. "Hey, Kellian. Have you seen Victoria?"  
  
"Victoria Hennessy?" She said Victoria's name as if it created a foul taste in her mouth. "What do you want with a mousey little thing like her when you can have me?" She ran a finger along my jaw line.  
  
I stepped back and took hold of her wrist to pull her hand away from my face. "Have you seen her or not?"  
  
"Not. Not since yesterday. She's been acting strange lately. I don't think she likes you, Simon."  
  
"Shut up, Kellian. You don't know what you're talking about."  
  
Her dark eyes flashed, making me think of a storm cloud. "Don't waste your time on a girl like that, Simon. She'll never do anything for you, not like I could."  
  
I wanted to hit her. I uncurled my fingers, flexed them, and walked away, in search of Victoria once again.   
  
"Meet me behind the bleachers after school today, Simon. I'll make it worth your while," Kellian yelled. "They won't call you 'Virgin Camden' anymore when I'm done with you!"  
  
I rolled my eyes and kept on walking, my head high despite the few snickers from people passing me in the hall.  
  
I said a silent prayer that Victoria would be at her locker when I turned the corner...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 10. Don't forget to review, and I'll promise not to take 2 months between chapters again! Let us know what you think about this chapter, your thoughts are very important to Jordan and me. Thanks for reading! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	11. The Girls' Room

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 11/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
  
I stare into my locker, trying to block the image of Gene Blackwood   
from my mind. Tall and slim, he'd walked straight towards me down the hall, and   
all I could do was stand there, frozen like a wax dummy. But it was some other   
boy, one I'd never even spoke to. My own reaction shocks me, for when I turned   
to my locker and opened it I began to shake uncontrollably.   
  
"Tory?"  
  
My hand jerks, rattling the locker door. "Oh, hi Simon."  
  
I can't hide anything from him anymore. Right away his eyes soften with concern, and he steps closer to me.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I just...I thought I saw him."  
  
"Who?"  
  
The name sticks in my throat for a moment. "Gene Blackwood."  
  
Dismay blooms on his face. "I'm sorry, Tory, I didn't mean to...I'm sorry."  
  
"It wasn't him. I just thought...."  
  
I don't expect it, but suddenly his arms are around me. "It's okay," he whispers. "I'm here."  
  
I long to sink into his embrace, to press my face against the warmth of his neck, to be somewhere just the two of us, a place we never have to leave but can just stay safe and together. Instead I pull away. "I'm all right. I need to go to class."   
  
"I'll walk with you."  
  
"You need to get to class too."  
  
"It's okay. I want to walk with you."  
  
There's no dissuading him, and maybe it's best that he's with me. As we pass the door to the girls' room I imagine going in there, locking myself in a stall, and taking the X-acto knife from my purse. I always bring it with me, and today it was just from habit, though I know I shouldn't have. But I'm still shaking, only now it's on the inside, and I wish...no, I promised Simon. I promised.  
  
* * *  
One of the last things I feel like doing is running around the track in gym. It's still warm enough outside that people are comfortable in their shorts and T-shirts, the required gym uniform, and I am the only one wearing a sweater.   
  
I hate this class because Kellian Foster and her friends are in it. She'd never paid attention to me before but today I see her watching me, looking at me as she whispers to her friends, and I remember that she was friends with Gene. Has she talked to him lately? Has he told her anything? The very idea makes me sick to my stomach, and again I hear the whisper of the X-acto knife. I wish my parents had let me stay home longer. I wish we could move and I could go to a completely different school. But then, of course, I wouldn't have Simon.  
  
Later, I change my clothes in one of the stalls so none of the other girls will see the band-aids on my arms. My bag is there with me, the knife tucked deep inside. I could just...no, I can't. I won't. I open the door and gasp because Kellian is standing right in front of me, waiting, perfectly made up as usual, as if she hasn't just spent the last 40 minutes jogging around outside. Her auburn hair is highlighted with gold, sprayed and curled, her makeup precise.  
  
"He's too good for you, you know."  
  
My mind goes blank with shock. He told her. Gene told her.  
  
"What?" I stammer.   
  
"Simon. Camden. He's too good for you." She bites off each word, her brown eyes boring into mine.  
  
I'm too confused, too relieved to think clearly, and try to step around her, but she's there, blocking me, pushing me back up against the stall door. "He's mine, okay? So you just back off. Tell him you're not interested."  
  
Looking at her, somehow I know. She came onto Simon and he refused her, and boy, is she pissed. No one ever refuses Kellian Foster. I can't stop the eruption of triumph that bursts in my chest.  
  
"What do you care?"  
  
I know she doesn't expect this from me by the way she blinks and draws back a little. "Just back off if you know what's good for you."   
  
"I'm not afraid of you. Simon doesn't want you anyway."  
  
Her nostrils flare. I've hit my mark, but when she speaks her voice is smooth as oil. "Of course he does. It's you he doesn't want. Mousey little Victoria. You're so not his type. He needs a girl that can really make him a man, Tory." Simon's nickname for me is trash on her lips.  
  
"You're a slut, Kellian."  
  
Her slap against my cheek reverberates in the empty bathroom. "Stay away from Simon," she hisses. Before I can react, she whirls away.  
  
"And what if I don't?"  
  
She turns and throws a glare at me over her shoulder. "You don't want to know." And she's gone.  
  
I can't help it; I'm shaking again and I want to cry. But I don't. Instead I bite the inside of my lip until the blood gushes into my mouth. 


	12. Running

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 12/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
Victoria   
I say nothing to Simon of my encounter with Kellian, knowing it would do nothing but upset him. And since I've been quieter than usual lately, for this once he doesn't guess that something happened, and for that I am glad.  
  
That night I'm in my room doing homework. I can hear my parents' voices rising downstairs. Since this is a normal occurrence, I try to ignore it and bend my head closer to my books. But suddenly one word stands out clearly from their conversation, and my concentration is shattered. Raped. They're talking about me.  
  
There's no use pretending to ignore them now, and curiosity drives me from my desk to the door of my room. I stand there, trying to listen through the wood, but their voices are quieter, and I'm forced to open the door just a crack.  
  
They're standing at the bottom of the stairs, and their voices have subsided to whispers. I can see my mother leaning close to my father, speaking fiercely, and I'm struck by the difference in her. She never talks to Dad that way, but is always humble and subservient, doing everything he asks. We both are, for although he never hits us, something is frightening about his quiet anger, the way his eyes blaze and his face reddens. It's red now, and his eyes, silver like mine, are two hot coals burning.  
  
Mom turns away from him and starts up the stairs, but he jerks her back down to the landing by the arm, hard. We both gasp, though mine is silent, and I make sure my door is only open the barest of cracks so they don't see me.  
  
"Let go of me, Mark," she tries to pull her arm away, but his fingers tighten and she winces in pain.  
  
"I want you to stop this nonsense, Angela. Victoria is fine. You know I don't want any kind of scandal in the middle of my campaign!"  
  
"Fuck your campaign," she hisses.   
  
His smack rocks her head to the side, blood flying from her nose to splash against the wall. She cries out, and it's all I can do to keep from rushing down there, yet fear holds me in place. He pulls her against him, his congested face only inches from hers, but she cringes and won't look at him.  
  
"Don't you ever talk to me like that again." Spittle flecks his lips.  
  
Now her body straightens and she lifts her head, looking right at him. "If you don't let me get Victoria some help, I'm leaving you and I'm taking her with me. We'll see what that does to your little campaign."  
  
"You bitch!" His fist crashes against the side of her head, sending her reeling backwards. I can only watch as her head strikes the banister, then she slides limply to the floor.  
  
"Mom!"   
  
Dad stands over her, his face drained of all color. He starts and looks up to see me standing at the top of the stairs.   
  
"Get back in your room, Victoria!"   
  
I don't move.   
  
"God damn it, I said get back in your room!"  
  
I turn, stumbling, blinded by tears. In my room again I close the door and stand against it, palms pressed to the smooth surface. I wait for a long time to hear the sounds of ambulance sirens, but moments pass and there is nothing until the slam of the back door. I run to my window and look out into the backyard. My father carries a shovel and a long bundle wrapped in a sheet over his shoulder. The realization drives me to my knees, arms clutched against my stomach as sickness closes my throat. I feel as though all the blood is leaving my body at once, and I fall into darkness.  
***  
I'm not sure how much time has passed when I come to, but looking at the clock I see it's only nine. The last time I looked, just before I heard my parents, it was a little after 8:30. Has my father finished in the backyard? Is he going to come to my room and finish me too since he knows I saw? I want to look out the window again but I can't make myself do it. I need to keep all of my wits because I don't know what's going to happen.  
  
I want to cut. Oh god, I want to cut so deeply I sever my own lifeline. In my head I see over and over again the image of my mother falling against the banister, I hear the sickening crack of her skull against the hard wood. I couldn't see her face, but I wonder if her eyes closed right away or if they glazed over as her life slowly left her, if she lay there suffering or if her death was instant. Or if...when he saw what he had done had my father knelt before her and closed his hands around her throat, tightening and tightening to make sure he had finished the job?   
  
No! He didn't mean to, it was an accident. He's my father; he'd never do that. He only meant to hit her, not kill her. Dead, dead. Oh my god. My mother is dead and it's my fault, all my fault. Why hadn't I waited for Simon that day? Why had I decided to go walking by myself?  
  
I choke on sobs as I stuff some clothes into my backpack, along with some money and my cell phone. All I know is that I have to get out of here.  
***  
I think I'll hear my father's yell as I slip out the front door. But I know that if I am going to make it, even if I'm not sure what I'm going to do, now is not the time to be afraid. Now is not the time to think of my mother. The faster I go somewhere else, the less likely my father is to find me. I shut down all thoughts of my parents and am driven only by the need to be as far away as possible.   
  
I'm grateful for the fog that is closing around me on this damp night. Except for the swirls in my wake, I imagine it hides my passage as I begin to run. Despite my resolve to turn off my brain for the moment, I imagine there are footsteps behind me. My father, Gene Blackwood, a stranger. It doesn't matter; I run faster until my lungs constrict and I can no longer breathe, until I have to stop because blue and purple spots are dancing before my eyes. It's only then I realize I'm sobbing again and my cheeks are wet. I wipe the moisture away and try to silence the harsh intakes of breath that bounce from the houses around me. I'm still too close; this is still my neighborhood, and it's foolish of me to be out on the sidewalk, under streetlamps where my father could see me if he drove by. Trying to regain some composure, I vanish into the shadows, through yards, moving fast but not so fast I can't maintain my pace. 


	13. The Bus Station

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 13/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
Victoria  
  
The bus station is crowded, mostly with men in ragged clothing. They sit inside and outside smoking, some getting on buses as they come through, others waiting. I don't go inside, but stay around the corner in an alley. But I have to get up my nerve. I have to go in there and buy a ticket for the next bus out of this town, no matter where it goes. There will be time to plan all of that later.  
  
I start to move forward, but something holds me back. My phone is in my bag, small yet heavy with the weight of what I need to do. I pull it out and dial his number.  
  
It rings twice before someone answers. "Simon?"  
  
"Victoria? This is his dad. I'll get him for you."  
  
"Thank you."   
  
"Tory?"  
  
"Simon." I can't keep the strength in my voice and it comes out a ragged whisper.  
  
"Tory? Where are you? What's wrong?"  
  
I can't tell him the truth. "I don't know. Somewhere in the city."  
  
"In the city? Why?"  
  
I can get no words out.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I...I can't tell you."  
  
"Tory...What is it? Is it your parents? Did they...did they kick you out?"  
  
I shake my head, forgetting he can't see me. "I can't tell you. I'm sorry. I just...I wanted you to know I'm okay."  
  
"Where are you? Let me come get you." His voice rises a bit in desperation.  
  
"No! No, Simon, you can't. Please...I'm sorry, I have to go."  
  
"Tory! Tory, don't hang up! I won't ask what happened. I swear. I won't ask. Just...let me come get you. You shouldn't be out there alone. Please. Let me."  
  
My eyes burn. "No, Simon. You can't come get me. I can't go back with you. But I promise...I won't cut myself. I'm not going to. I promised."  
  
"Tory, you know I won't give up until I find you. Please tell me where you are. I'll bring you some clothes and some money and stuff. I won't make you come back. I won't. I swear."  
  
"Right, Simon. I really believe that. Like you're just going to see me and walk away."  
  
"I didn't say that. You know I could never walk away."  
  
"Then what are you going to do? Stay with me? Leave your family and stay with me?"   
  
"Yes. If I have to. I have a great family but I'm willing to give them up for you. If that's what I have to do. I love you. Maybe you're not ready to hear that, but I do. I love you. And I would rather be with you wherever you are, than here with them."  
  
I almost drop the phone, squeezing my eyes shut. "Oh Simon, don't say that."  
  
"But it's true. Please tell me where you are so I can help you." When I say nothing, he continues. "Please, Tory. Don't make me call Kevin. I don't want to do that. But I will. I'll ask Kevin to help me."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Then tell me where you are."  
  
"I don't know, Simon. I didn't pay attention."  
  
"Are you near the bus station? I hear the traffic on the street. It sounds like buses."   
  
Oh damn it. My voice is small. "Yes."  
  
"Wait for me. Please. Don't get on one of the buses. Wait for me. I swear to you I won't call Kevin. I won't tell anyone. I'll be there in ten minutes. Wait for me, Tory."  
  
I watch a bus go by, so it's a moment before I answer. "Okay, Simon."  
  
"I won't be long."  
  
"I know." I hang up the phone before he can say anything else. I try to tell myself that I don't want him here, that I don't want him to see me and I don't want to tell him what happened. I can't tell him. He can never know. But still, didn't a part of me know he'd insist on coming here, and also that I wouldn't be able to resist letting him? I should buy a ticket now and be gone by the time he gets here. But I can't do that, not to Simon. I cry out softly in frustration, and my thoughts snarl together like a ball of yarn; I can't keep them straight anymore. I think about the knife in my bag; I would never forget my beloved knife.   
  
I cry out again. I want to scream. Damn promises! What good are they? Would Simon make me keep it if he knew what it was doing to me?   
  
Before I am aware of it my fingernails are tearing into the soft flesh beneath one wrist, first one arm then the other. The pain is exquisite, but not enough. Harder and harder I rip until the blood runs freely, until I am on my knees unable to stop.  
***  
  
Simon  
  
My hand shook as I hung up the phone, and tears were on my cheeks. I couldn't wrap my brain around what was happening, couldn't imagine what would make Victoria so upset, and be bad enough for her to run away from home. She said her parents didn't kick her out, but what? I remembered Mrs. Hennessy's distance when I'd tried to see Victoria after the rape and I knew it must have something to do with that. For about the millionth time I wished I could tell someone, or go to Gene Blackwood's house and kick his ass myself.   
  
Why, God? Why Victoria? She doesn't deserve this. No one does.  
  
I grabbed my wallet and poked my head out into the hallway. Mom was in the bathroom giving the twins a bath, Ruthie was in her room doing homework like I was supposed to be doing, and Dad was in his room working on his sermon for the next Sunday. A perfect opportunity to escape unnoticed.  
  
I couldn't believe I was doing this as I picked up Mom's keys from the kitchen counter and went outside, got in her car, then realized they'd hear the engine. I put it in neutral and let it roll slowly backwards down the driveway until it reached the street. Praying that they'd think it was a neighbor's car starting, I turned it on and left, trying not to drive to fast but at the same time wishing with all my heart that I could speed.   
  
You're in this too deep, Camden. You're being stupid. It's too much for you to handle alone.   
  
But I have to handle it alone. I promised Tory.  
  
The bus station was only ten minutes away, but it felt like forever. When I pulled into the parking lot I knew I wouldn't see her there, somehow knew she wouldn't be standing out in the bright lights waiting for me. My heart jumped in panic. What if she'd already taken a bus and wasn't there anymore?   
  
I turned off the car and got out, heading away from the bus station. There was a small alley around the corner, and when I stepped into it I saw a foot sticking out from behind a pile of bags. I nearly collapsed on the spot.  
  
"Tory."   
  
She sat with her back against the wall, arms limp by her sides. Alive. Thank God she was alive.  
  
"Tory, it's me. I'm here."  
  
She looked up at me without a trace of comprehension on her face, and her pupils were so large that her eyes looked black. I knelt before her and placed my hands on her shoulders, knowing she was in shock. And then I saw her arms. They were covered in blood, so thickly that I couldn't see the wounds. "Tory! Tory!"  
  
She blinked and some focus came back into her eyes. "Simon?"  
  
I smiled through my tears. "Yeah, it's me."  
  
"Simon." Her voice was a whisper, and she closed her eyes. I put my arms around her and held her close as she began to shiver.  
  
"Tory, honey. I've got to get you out of here. Come on. Can you stand? Can you walk?"  
  
She pushed me away. "I'm not going with you."  
  
"You're covered with blood. Your arms. We've got to get you to a hospital."  
  
She looked down as if she didn't know what I was talking about. When she lifted her head again tears stood in her eyes. "I didn't cut, Simon. I promised I wouldn't. They're only scratches."  
  
"I know. I know you promised, baby." I kissed her forehead, pressing my lips there longer than normal, paralyzed by a sudden wave of emotion. But I had to get a grip; I had to be strong for her. I was the only one she had in the world.   
  
"I was going to buy a bus ticket."  
  
"Okay. We'll take care of your arms later. I'm going with you."  
  
"You can't."  
  
"Yes I can. I can't let you go alone. Tory, please. I'm going with you. I don't care where we go. I only want to be with you."  
  
She stared into my face. "We have to go now."  
  
I nodded and helped her to her feet, steadying her as she clutched my arm; I could tell she was exhausted and every line of her body was tense. Even though I longed to ask her what had happened, what was wrong, I knew I shouldn't.   
  
"Here, take this." I pulled off my jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders, then picked up her bag. "Where do you want to go?"  
  
"I don't know. The next bus out of here. Far away."  
  
"Let's go inside and see what we can find."  
  
I lead her along, my mind screaming at me to take her to the hospital, take her to my house. When we pass the pay phones along the wall I realize I've forgotten my cell phone. At the ticket window I study the destinations and fares, calculating it in my mind.  
  
"The next bus leaves in fifteen minutes. It's going to Monterey and will be about $75 for the two of us. How much money do you have?" I ask her.  
  
"Fifty dollars."  
  
"Okay. I have forty. We've got enough." But what after that? What about a place to stay and food? Why didn't I snag Mom's credit card or something along with her keys? She'd understand later when I explained everything to her, because I was going to explain everything to her someday. And I was going to get Victoria back home too. Yet now was not the time to try and force her. I had to wait until she had calmed down and rested, gotten some sleep and at least one good meal. Maybe then she'd be ready to tell me. Maybe then she'd see there was no way we'd make it out there without any money, and that she had to let someone besides me help her.  
  
After he sold us the tickets, the ticket man watched us, but I didn't care. I guided Victoria to a bench. As soon as we sat down she rested her head against my shoulder, but she stayed alert and wary now, and I know she watched the clock like I did. 


	14. The Motel

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 14/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
Victoria  
  
I don't expect the bus ride to be as long as it is, but we don't get to Monterey until almost six in the morning. Simon falls asleep at some point, leaning against me, but I just watch everything flow by out the window. It's easy not to think really, except when I lose focus on the lights and the gravel by side of the road and see instead my face reflected in the glass. I'm still shocked by the pale, hollow-eyed girl I see there, even though I should be getting used to her by now.   
  
I'm so tired...so tired but afraid to sleep. From time to time images of my mother work their way into my mind and it takes all of my strength to force them out. And I keep my father pulling up beside the bus, demanding us to stop.  
  
By the time we reach Monterey my eyes are gritty and I feel sick to my stomach. Every time I move Simon's jacket chafes the rawness of my arms, but I don't mind.   
  
"Simon, we're here." I gently push his shoulder and he rouses instantly, eyes puffy from sleep.  
  
"Huh? Okay." He seems baffled, like he wants to say something but isn't sure how. Finally, as we get off the bus, he does. "Tory, what about...I mean, where are we going to stay? How are we going to buy food? I've only got--"  
  
"I have my credit card."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And I know if I use it they'll trace us. So I'm going to take out a lot of cash out now and we'll use that as long as we can. And we'll move around as much as possible." He looks uncomfortable but I don't give him a chance to object. "Come on, Simon. Let's get some money and find a place to crash."  
***  
The motel is small and dingy, but it's cheap and the kind that won't ask questions, that won't try to stop and question two exhausted teenagers. I don't see the name Simon signs us in under, but I wonder if he gave us the same last name. Is he going to try and make them think we're married? I don't know. My brain is fogging over and slowing down; each thought takes so much effort. Simon takes my hand and we go out and to the room.  
  
It's got a tan carpet and a bed with an orange cover, one battered bureau and an old TV. I'm almost afraid to see the bathroom, but I have to go.  
  
"Um, Simon..."  
  
He stares at my arms when I take off his jacket. "Listen, Tory, will you be okay here for a few minutes while I run down to that convenience store and get some stuff to clean those up?"  
  
I look down at the dried and crusted blood, the thick jagged scratches. A part of me wants to scream no, don't leave me alone! But I only nod. "I'll be fine."  
  
"Okay. I won't be long, I promise." He steps forward and kisses me on the forehead, then he's gone. I lock the door behind him and take deep breaths to steady my pounding heart.  
***  
Simon  
  
It was silly of me, but I was almost afraid that Tory would be gone when I got back to the room. Or worse. I found myself near panic as I fumbled with the key.  
  
She was sitting on the bed, her back rigid and hands folded in her lap. She relaxed visibly when I opened the door, almost as if she was afraid it wouldn't be me. Maybe I relaxed visibly too, seeing her there alive and unhurt except for the damage she'd already done.  
  
"Hey. I got us some food," I said, trying to keep my voice light. "It's just some chips and stuff but we can get a real breakfast later."  
  
She only nodded and watched me as I removed the ointment and bandages from the plastic bag. I almost shuddered when I looked at her arms again; what had she done to herself? And more than that, why had she done it? I lifted my eyes to hers, hoping to read something there, but she only stared dully back at me.  
  
"God, I'm sorry, Tory. You must be so tired. Let me take care of you and then we'll get some sleep. How's that?"  
  
"Yeah."   
  
I went into the bathroom and wet a washcloth with hot water, then went back to kneel before her as she sat on the bed. She held out her arms without protest.  
  
"This might hurt, and if it does, I'm sorry."  
  
She almost smiled, but before it started it was gone. "I'm not afraid of pain, Simon."  
  
"Right." Feeling foolish, I cradled her right arm in my hand and carefully began to wipe away the dried blood. The scratches beneath were deep, and I was shocked by the thought of what must have driven her to do this. I couldn't even imagine, though I'd come up with every scenario possible, each one more horrible than the next. Or maybe not horrible enough.  
  
What happened to you? I thought, but said nothing as I did first one arm, then the other until the scratches were clean and stark against her pale skin. We were both silent as I smeared antibiotic ointment over them, covered them with band-aids and rolled surgical tape around that. When I was finished I took both of her hands in mine.  
  
"Tory, I meant it when I said earlier that I love you." The words were tumbling from my mouth before I could stop them; I didn't even know my brain was thinking them.   
  
She turned her face away. "Simon..."  
  
"No, Tory. I do. I think I have for a long time. I was just too stupid to realize it. I know that now. And maybe this isn't the best time to be telling you these things, but I want you to know that no matter what's happened or what will happen...I love you." Two of her tears splash onto my hands. "You don't have to say anything, Tory," I whisper. "You don't have to tell me you feel the same way, you don't even have to feel the same way. But I wanted you to know how I feel."  
  
I let her go and put everything back into the convenience store bag. The chips and cupcakes were still in there, but somehow I knew she wouldn't be interested in eating them yet. Neither was I. When I turned back to her she was watching me, a lock of hair across her cheek. I reached out to tuck it behind her ear.  
  
"Come on, let's get some sleep. You can have the bed, I'll sleep in the chair."  
  
"No, Simon. I...stay here with me."  
  
My heart thumped. "All right."  
  
"I just...I don't want to be alone right now."  
  
I nodded, and sat down to take off my shoes. She did the same, moving slowly because of her arms. Then we looked at each other.  
  
"Will you hold me, Simon?"  
  
"Of course I will."  
  
She was in my arms and we were lying back together. Despite the weary hours of travel I could still smell the sweetness of her hair and skin, and my throat tightened painfully. Oh God Tory, I love you.   
  
As if she realized that for now she was truly safe, her body relaxed, went limp against mine, and I knew she was asleep at last. 


	15. Calling Home

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 15/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
~~Simon~~  
  
A small whimper awoke me. Struggling to the surface of sleep, at first I wasn't sure what it was until it came again and instantly I was fully alert.  
  
"Tory," I whispered. She lay huddled next to me, her face twisted into a grimace of pain, tears leaking from her squeezed-shut eyes. "Tory."  
  
She gasped and her eyes flew open, darting wildly around the room; as soon as she saw my face she closed them again, panting.   
  
"It's okay, honey, I'm here." I touched her hair. "It's okay, I'm here."  
  
She looked at me then, and I thought she'd say something, smile at seeing me, maybe. Instead she rolled away and sat up, pressing the heels of her hands to her forehead.   
  
"I'm sorry, Simon."  
  
"Don't say you're sorry. There's nothing to be sorry about." I longed to go to her, to touch her shoulders, something. I couldn't put my finger on it but there was a distance there now, as if she thought she had made a mistake by getting as close as she had. "Are you okay?"  
  
She nodded, wiping her cheeks with the backs of her fingers, yet she wasn't crying anymore. And she didn't look at me. "Yes. I'll be okay. I just need a shower or something."  
  
"Are you sure you don't want to try sleeping some more?"  
  
"Yes, I'm sure."   
  
"Tory..." I bit my lip. "I said I wouldn't ask you what happened, but if you ever want to talk. I mean, if you ever..."  
  
"I know." Her voice was soft, defeated. "I know, Simon." She stood and went to where her bag lay on the seat of the one chair in the motel room. "I'm going to take a shower. I'll redo my bandages when I get out. You can go back to sleep if you want to."  
  
Right. I watched her go into the bathroom and close the door, then waited until I heard the water running. Still I waited another minute before I reached out and picked up the motel phone, squinting at the clock. It was almost nine o'clock in the morning.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
"Hello?"  
  
"Mom? It's me, Simon."  
  
"Simon! Oh my God, where are you?"  
  
"Mom, Mom, I'm okay. I just wanted you to know that I'm completely okay."  
  
"The police found the car at the bus station. Oh my God, I thought..."  
  
"I know, Mom, and I'm sorry." I took a deep breath. "I don't really know how to explain it, but something happened to Victoria and she needed me to go with her."  
  
"You didn't elope or something did you?"  
  
"Mom! No, it's nothing like that."  
  
"Well where are you?"  
  
"I can't tell you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I promised Victoria I wouldn't tell anyone."  
  
"What's going on, Simon?"  
  
"I don't know. She hasn't told me yet and I can't force her. I have to wait until she's ready but I know I need to get her home. I had to go with her though because she would have gone without me, and I couldn't let her go alone."  
  
There was silence on the other end.  
  
"Mom?"  
  
She sighed. "I'm here. I just don't know what to say."  
  
"Have Victoria's parents been looking for her?"  
  
"Yes, her mother called looking for her just a little while ago. I told her I didn't know anything, but that you were gone too. That woman. I don't understand her. She sounded so calm and distant."  
  
It was my turn to be silent.  
  
"Simon?"  
  
"Yeah Mom. Sorry. Um, I should probably go. I don't want Victoria to know I called you."  
  
"Simon, you know you can tell your father and me anything."  
  
"I know I can. But this isn't my thing to tell. It's Victoria's."  
  
"Are you sure you can't get her to come home?"  
  
"Not completely sure. But I hope so. As soon as possible. All I can say is that she needs help, and right now I'm all she's got."  
  
I could tell she was crying but she tried to hide it. "Will you call me again soon and let me know you're still okay?"  
  
"We'll be okay, but yes, I will. The next time I get a chance. I love you, Mom."  
  
"I love you too, sweetheart."  
  
I hung up.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Victoria took a long time in the shower, so long that I was almost ready to go in to make sure she was okay. Finally the water turned off, and a few minutes later she emerged, dressed, her hair dripping and tangled on her shoulders. I lost my breath at how beautiful she was despite the shadows under her eyes and the unhappy set of her mouth.   
  
"Feel better?"  
  
She nodded and went over to the table where the bag from the convenient store lay.  
  
"Do you need me to redo your bandages?" I asked her.  
  
"Sure."   
  
I went about my work, wincing and the sight of her arms. They hadn't begun to heal yet, and I wondered how much they hurt.  
  
"Maybe we should forget that crappy junk food I got." I kept my voice light. "We should find a restaurant and get a good, real breakfast."  
  
"No, Simon, that stuff should be good enough for now. I..."  
  
"What, Tory?"  
  
She glanced away. "I don't want to stay here. I want to keep going."  
  
"What? But Tory, we just got here."  
  
"I know." She pulled away, and the set of her mouth was determined. "But I used my credit card and if my...if anyone is looking for us they'll be able to trace us. We have enough cash to keep going for awhile." She must have seen something in my face because her gaze dropped. "I know it's not fair of me to ask you to go. I never planned for you to go with me. I didn't plan anything, but I didn't mean for you to get stuck in this too."  
  
"In this. What is this? I don't even know."  
  
She lifted her head sharply, on guard like an animal who has heard the step of a hunter. "You said you wouldn't ask."  
  
I could have kicked myself. "I know but..."   
  
We stared at each other for what seemed like forever until my shoulders slumped a little and I nodded. "Okay. Where do you want to go?"  
  
"I don't know. Anywhere."  
  
"Okay. Let's go back to the bus station. We can eat on the way and then where ever we're going we can get a real meal and some real sleep."  
  
"Do you want to take a shower?"  
  
I imagined coming out of the bathroom and Victoria being gone, then felt a twinge of guilt at the thought. "Nah, I'm okay for now."  
  
"Let's go then."  
  
I followed her out the door. It was all I could do. 


	16. Changes

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 16/?  
A 7th Heaven Fanfic by Luckystar and Jordan  
Simon  
  
I stood in the bathroom, staring at the drops of blood next to the toilet. Just three tiny little drops, so insignificant-seeming. Yet the sight of them sent a fist into my stomach, the sickness pushing upward to clog my throat. I went back into the bedroom where Victoria was watching TV. Since arriving in Fallon, Nevada the day before, all she'd done was watch TV. During the night I'd awakened several times to see her staring mindlessly at it, and yet I wasn't sure if I should say anything to her about it. So I didn't. But now I knew I had to say something.  
  
"Victoria?"  
  
"Yeah?" She didn't look away from the screen.  
  
"Can you come here for a minute?"  
  
Without reacting she got up and joined me in the bathroom door. I pointed at the blood and her eyes followed, locking on the drops immediately. "Are you okay?"  
  
She remained silent.  
  
"It's okay, Tory. I won't be upset I just...are you...cutting again?"  
  
I could tell by the fleeting expression on her face that she wanted to lie and say no, but she bit her lip. "I couldn't help it," she whispered.  
  
Even though I'd already known it was true, I felt my soul flag at her confirmation. I tried not to show it though, and nodded as if I understood. "It's okay. We can deal with it, Tory. It's not the end of the world."  
  
She looked at me then, and I flinched at the raw pain in her eyes. "Yes it is. I can't stop, Simon. I'm sorry." She turned away and went back into the room, sitting on the bed.   
  
"We'll think of something else you can do instead." The words felt empty even as I said them.  
  
"No. Why don't we just face it? I can't stop and I can't keep my promise to you."  
  
"Because you need help. We can't just not talk about it or pretend it doesn't exist. It's a serious problem, Tory. But maybe we can over come it together if we face it head on."   
  
"It's not your problem, Simon." Her shoulders were rounded and weariness was in every line of her body. I knew she had barely slept since we'd left home, and she'd only picked at her food. Futility engulfed me.   
  
"It's our problem."  
  
She stared at me almost defiantly, her chin sticking out. But I plunged on.  
  
"You can't face it alone. You need help. You need support. That's me. I'm here to help you, support you, whatever you need."   
  
"I'm not going to kill myself," she said, looking away. "It's just...something I have to do, okay? You don't understand."  
  
"I understand that it helps you release some of the pain you feel."  
  
She shrugged. "Anyone can read that in a book."   
  
"But not everyone lives it like you are, like I am. Tory, I want to help you. If you need to cut, you need to cut and I realise I can't stop you and making you promise not to do it isn't fair."  
  
Her head whipped around. "So how are you going to help me then, Simon? Hide everything that's sharp?"   
  
I almost took a step back at her obvious anger, but held my ground. "No. I'm going to let you know I'm here when you need to talk and when you cut, I'm here to help you clean up the wounds so they won't get infected."  
  
"I don't want you to help me. I want you to leave me alone."  
  
"It's too late for that, Tory, don't you see? I would rather have you cut if you need to cut, than not be here with you at all." Her face was stricken and I knew I sounded too perfect, that I was trying too hard but I couldn't stop. "It's true. I love you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. But I do, and I am here. And I'm not going anywhere, Tory."   
  
She popped suddenly from the bed like a cork, fists clenched at her sides. "I want you to leave, Simon!"   
  
Aghast, this time I did step back, eyes wide. "Tory..."  
  
"Go away! Go home and leave me the hell alone!"   
  
I'd gone too far, way too far, and my throat closed. In all the years of knowing her, she'd never looked at me this way, not even when we got into squabbles as children. I struggled to maintain my composure.  
  
"Okay, look. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything to you. But I'm not leaving. I'll go outside and give you time to yourself if that's what you want, but I am not leaving."  
  
"Don't come back." Her voice was deadly calm. "Just get on a bus and go home and don't come back here and I never want to see you or talk to you again."  
  
I should have left then. I should have kept my mouth shut. "I'm not leaving, Tory. I'll only be outside."  
  
Standing by the sink, she picked up a tube of toothpaste and threw it at me. I ducked and it went sailing over my head to smack against the wall. Without looking at her I headed stiffly for the door, too stunned to feel or think anything.   
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Victoria  
  
As soon as he is gone I can't believe what I just did. I fall to my knees by the sink and stay there. Maybe if I hold still I'll find out it's a dream. I'll find out everything is a dream. But my thighs, where I've been cutting so Simon won't see, sting, reminding me that everything is real.  
  
I push myself up, stumbling, suddenly terrified that Simon really did leave, that I chased him away. In a panic I tear the door open.  
  
He's sitting on the sidewalk just outside our room, knees drawn up and his head resting on them. He looks up.  
  
"Oh Simon..." It's all I can get out.  
  
He stands and takes me in his arms, and I let myself sink against him. I want to tell him I'm sorry, but I know I don't need to. I know by the way he strokes my hair and presses his cheek to the top of my head.   
  
He pulls back a little after a few minutes and looks into my eyes. "Tory..."  
  
I don't let myself think about it, I just kiss him. When our lips touch I know it's right. With Simon I will always be safe and always have someone who cares about me. With Simon I can face anything.  
  
We move apart and he takes my hand, leading me back into the room and closing the door behind us. I go to sit on the bed and he is with me, still holding onto my hand as if he doesn't want to let go. And I don't want him to either. I want to kiss him again and I do.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asks softly after a moment, and I know he's thinking of the rape.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."  
  
"I know. You're not."  
  
"Good." There's relief on his face, but also concern, and I remember there is still so much he doesn't know.  
  
"I love you, Simon."  
  
"I love you, Tory." A tiny smile curves his lips.  
  
"And...I think I'm ready to tell you what happened."  
  
The smile vanishes, and total seriousness returns. "I'm listening."  
  
I take a deep breath, and find that the idea of telling him lifts a terrible and heavy weight from somewhere deep inside of me. "My dad...my parents were having a fight that night at the foot of the stairs and he hit Mom. Her head slammed against the banister and it killed her."   
  
"But Tory..." He frowns. "Your mom's not dead." 


	17. Mental Instability

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 17/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
*~Simon~*  
  
"But Tory," I say softly. "Your mom's not dead." Why would she even think that?   
  
She stares at me. I can practically see the wheels turning in her head. When she finally finds her voice, she says just one word. "What?"  
  
"I..." I look down, to my feet. One of my shoes is about to untie. Confession time, I have to tell her I had called home. "I...I called my mom, just to let her know I am okay. She needed to know. Tory. Please don't be angry." But she doesn't look angry. Just blank. Totally void of emotion. Still trying to process the words. "Your mom's not dead." Why would she think her mother was dead?   
  
"What?" she says softly, questioning me.  
  
I take a deep breath. I expected more anger. There is nothing. "I had to call her, Tory. I knew she would be worried. I didn't tell her anything. I only told her I'm okay and I'm with you. She said your mom called, looking for you. Of course she didn't know anything. Only that I was gone too. She didn't even know for sure we were together."  
  
Victoria steps back. She looks pale, like she's seen a ghost. Does she really think her mother was dead? That just doesn't make sense to me.   
  
"What did she say about my mother?"  
  
"Nothing really. Only that she called." Somehow I know I shouldn't tell her Mom said Mrs. Hennessy sounded so calm and distant. Kind of like Victoria seemed to me now. "Why did you think she was dead?"  
  
"She is dead!" Victoria screams, probably loud enough for people in the rooms next to us to hear. "He killed her! I saw him burying her in the backyard!"  
  
He? My mind raced. Her father? She thought she saw her father kill, then bury, her mother? I have always known Victoria's parents argued a lot, but murder? "No, Tory. No. She's not dead. My mom just talked to her. She's alive."  
  
"I saw it!" Victoria insists, her voice raising higher.  
  
I shake my head. I have to calm her down. She's almost hysterical. At least I know there's a paper bag in the trash, if I need it for her to breathe into. "Tory, she talked to my mom. Whatever you saw, or thought you saw, it wasn't real. I know you think it is, or was, but it couldn't be."  
  
I remember learning about post traumatic stress disorder, and how sometimes some people hallucinate after they've suffered a major trauma. Usually it's something really bad, like war or watching someone die, but sometimes it could be something like rape, being raped.   
  
Victoria looks completely flustered. She thinks her mother is dead. She thinks she saw her father kill her mother. And I'm standing here telling her my mother just talked to her mother and her mother is very much alive. Of course she doesn't believe me. She can't believe me. I wonder what my dad would do, if he was counseling Victoria right now. Would he let her think her mother was dead until he could give her proof or would he push her, like I am doing now?  
  
"It wasn't my mother," she says finally, after a long, tense silence. I don't know what to do, what to say.   
  
I'm so afraid to say the wrong thing and send her into some kind of post traumatic trance. "But why would my mom lie?"  
  
"You weren't there, Simon. You didn't see. You didn't see her dead. He killed her. She's buried in the back yard. You weren't there..."  
  
I can't argue with that. I wasn't there. But I know my mother didn't lie, she wouldn't lie. If she knew Victoria's mom was dead, she would tell me. She wouldn't lie and say she talked to her. I pick up the phone and hold it out to her. She stares at it like it might bite her. "Call her. Call your mom. If you hear her voice you'll know. Tory, I've heard about people who have post traumatic stress disorder after something really bad happens. I think maybe your parents were fighting, and maybe your dad even hit your mom, but your mind created the rest of it. He didn't kill her, he didn't bury her in the back yard.  
  
"Tory, look at me. Post Traumatic Stress is a disease. It's not your fault. And it's not something to be ashamed of. Remember we talked about it in Mr. Miller's class? It happens to a lot of people. You can get help."  
  
Her eyes shot up to my face. "No!" She whispers. She looks like she might pass out at any second. Dear God, I hope I'm not pushing her too hard. I have no idea what I'm doing. I may be going at this all wrong. I may be pushing her farther inside of herself. I may be losing her.  
  
I have to try one more time. "My mom didn't lie, Tory. She talked to your mom. She called just a little while ago. She's worried about you, Tory, just like my mom is worried about me."  
  
Her mouth moves a little, open and closed, like a hinge, but there is no sound. After a moment, her eyes roll to the back of her head and she falls. Fall isn't the right word. She sways, like a leaf falling off a tree.  
  
I try to catch her, and her weight forces me down, but I've got her in my arms and I keep her from hitting her head. She feels like a dead weight against me, and she's heavier than I thought. But then her eyes are open and she's breathing hard, struggling to get away from me.  
  
I hold her tight and tell her things like "I've got you, it's okay."  
  
"I...I...s...saw him..." Her teeth clatter together. She's shivering. It's so warm in here. I try to pull her closer to me, to give her my warmth.  
  
"But it wasn't real, Tory. It wasn't real. Your mom is alive." Should I say something about her father? I know she must be afraid of him now, because of what she thought she saw him do.   
  
I want my dad. My dad would know what to do.  
  
"You should call the house, Tory." I reach for the phone again. The line is dead because it's been off the hook for several minutes.  
  
"No! No! He...he might...he might answer..." She claws at me then, as if desperate to get away from me. I hold onto her, until her body goes slack against me.  
  
I replace the phone in its cradle and leave it be. Obviously I am only traumatizing her worse now. Without really thinking to do it, I start singing, one of the songs I sometimes sing to Sam and David to put them to sleep.   
  
I think about my little brothers, and I wonder if I will ever see them again. Maybe Victoria will want to go home after this, after she accepts and understands the fact her mother is alive. I can only assume that's why she left, because she thought her father killed her mother.   
  
I look down at her laying against me, her arms wrapped around my arm, and I know I will go with her anywhere. If she doesn't want to go home ever again, I won't go home without her.   
  
"I love you," I whisper when I finish the song. She doesn't respond, and so I sing another. And another after that. I keep singing until I feel like she must be asleep. By then my foot is asleep and I have to move anyway. I slide out from under her and shake my leg out.   
  
I lean down to pick her up and I am surprised to see her eyes open. I pick her up and lay her on the bed. She doesn't blink or move at all. "Tory?"  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 17. Jordan and I worked on this chapter together. Please R/R and let us know what you think! Thanks! ~Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	18. Talking

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 18/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
Again I apologize for the lengthy hiatus between chapters. I'll try to stay on top of things this time. Wish me luck ;) Jordan provided Victoria's voice in this chapter…  
*~Simon~*  
  
She seems so small. So small and fragile. And beautiful. Like a butterfly. A butterfly with a broken wing.   
  
"Tory?" I passed my hand over her face. No reaction. I started to feel the stirring of panic, butterflies, in my belly.  
  
"I'm crazy," she says softly. I almost didn't hear.   
  
"You're not crazy," I whisper, but the words feel hollow even on my own ears. I don't think she's crazy. She's just…just what? I don't know. Messed up. Freaked out. Stressed out. That' sit. She's under a lot of stress. She's not crazy. There is a logical explanation for all this, for what she thought she saw.   
  
She closes her eyes, opens them. She looks old and weary. "I am. I'm crazy. Only crazy people see what I saw. Only crazy people do what I do." She thrusts her arm up to show me the bandages, the scars.  
  
"You're not crazy, Tory. You've been through a lot. It's stress. It's just stress. You've been hurting and you didn't know how to deal with it. That's why people cut. Because they're in pain and they don't know how to deal with it."  
  
"Crazy." She says simply and turns on her side, curling into a ball with her back to me.  
  
"You're not crazy," I say again because…because I'm trying to convince myself. I don't want her to be crazy. She's Tory. My best friend. She's been raped and she had to watch her parents fight. Her mom hit her head. Tory thought she was dead. She thought she saw her dad bury her mom in the back yard because she thought her mom was dead. She's under a lot of stress. It's just the stress getting to her. Making her think and feel crazy. But she isn't, she can't be crazy. I am not in some po-dunk Nevada town with my crazy best friend. She's not crazy.  
  
"I love you, Simon," she says suddenly, softly, and turns to face me. She smiles and reaches out to trace the line of my jaw with on finger.  
  
"I love you too, Tory," I answer. And I do. I wasn't so sure before, and it's so hard to believe I was thinking about Kellian Foster just a few weeks ago. It feels like years, a lifetime, ago. Nothing but Tory matters now.   
  
She moves closer to me, presses against me, and she's kissing me before I even realize it. I open my mouth to her and it feels good. Her lips are soft and sweet, and I feel like I'm flying, like nothing in the world matters right now except this kiss. I'm with Tory, my Tory, and I love her. My mind races with crazy thoughts and I feel like I want to make love to her. I want to give myself to her, completely.  
  
Tory shifts, pressing closer to me, pressing against the hardness between my legs. I make an involuntary sound, and I see the fear in her eyes. It's instantly gone and she looks peaceful again, but it was there, the fear, the memory of Gene Blackwood and what he did to her.  
  
I gently push her shoulder to move her away. "Tory…It's okay…We don't have to do this."  
  
"Why not? We both want it." She shifts her eyes down to my crotch then back to my face. I can't deny that. I want it, I definitely want it.  
  
"We're not married. Yet. And I want to wait until I'm married. You know that." It's the only defense I have. And it was true. Tory knows I intended to wait.  
  
"Simon…" The clouds in her eyes make me question her judgment. She loves me and I love her, but we're not ready for sex. Neither of us is ready for sex.  
  
I shake my head. I can't give in. We're not ready. We're not prepared. "No, Tory. Not here. Not like this. I want to marry you. I want our first time to be perfect."  
  
"Being with you is perfect."  
  
"I'm sorry, Tory. But I can't. We can't." I see the fear in her eyes again, gone as soon as it's there. She's scared. She needs me to help her forget about Gene Blackwood. I could do that for her. I should. But I can't. I can't make love with her now. I'm not ready. She's not ready. She wants to use me to get over him, to forget what he did to her. I would do anything for her, anything to help her. Anything but this. I can't just have sex, just like that. I always knew I would wait until I was married, my wedding night. Not some dingy hotel room hundreds of miles from home. "Let me hold you. We can lay together as long as you want, and I'll sing to you if you want that too."  
  
She looks at me like I'm a stranger, like she doesn't know me anymore. "No, Simon. I want to be alone. Could you please leave me alone for a while?"  
  
I can see her heart breaking. I feel like such a jerk. "Tory. Honey you know I love you. I love you so much. That's why…we can't."  
  
She nods. "I know, Simon." Her eyes shift to the door, a subtle hint.  
  
I run my fingers through my hair then stuff them in my pocket. "I'll just go for a walk or something. Are you sure you'll be all right?"  
  
"Of course. I'll be fine. I just need to be alone or a little bit."  
  
"Okay." I think about kissing her, but I have a strange feeling that would only hurt her somehow. So I don't. I just go to the door, open it, and walk out.   
  
The sun is shining bright and I have to squint. I really just feel like crying, but I won't cry out in the open like this. I glance back at the dull red hotel room door, then turn and walk away. I wonder if I did the right thing, or if I really messed up. I don't want to go too far, because I'm not sure Tory won't sneak out and run away on her own now. That's what she wanted in the first place.   
  
I remember suddenly that there is a payphone in the parking lot of the fast food restaurant next door. I'll be able to see the car from there, so I'd see Tory if she tried to take off without me. I hate thinking that way, but that's what I think and I can't help it. I hurt her, and she's desperate, she thinks she's crazy now that she knows she must have imagined her father burying her mother. Even I don't know what to make of that. But maybe my dad could help. He's counseled people before. I'm not sure he's ever dealt with anything like this, but maybe he can help me figure out what to do.  
  
The phone rings three times before Mom answers. "Hello?"  
  
"Mom, it's me."  
  
"Simon! Simon, where are you?"  
  
"I can't tell you, Mom. I need to talk to Dad."  
  
"Is everything all right?"  
  
I look toward the hotel, shielding my eyes from the sun. The car is there, and no sign of Victoria. I nod then sigh. "I think so."   
  
"Something is wrong, Simon."  
  
"Are you sure you talked to Victoria's mother?" I felt stupid for asking as soon as the words were out. Of course she talked to Victoria's mom. How could she make that kind of mistake?  
  
"Of course I'm sure, Simon. She called me when she realized Victoria was missing, because she thought the two of you might be together."  
  
"Mom, Tory thought…She saw her parents fighting. Her mom fell and hit her head. Tory thought she was dead." I wasn't sure what she would say about the other part, about Tory thinking she saw her father burying her mother in the back yard. I decided not to tell Mom that part.   
  
"Oh, how terrible for her."  
  
"That's why she ran away. And now she thinks she's crazy because I told her you had talked to her mom."  
  
"Mrs. Hennessy is very much alive, Simon."  
  
"I know. But I don't know how to convince Tory. That's why I want to talk to Dad. I thought he could help since he does counseling at the church."  
  
"He's not home. He took Sam and David to get their hair cut."  
  
"I'll call later then. I love you Mom."  
  
"I love you too, Simon."  
  
I hang up before I hear her say goodbye. I feel awful, for what I'm doing to her, but I can't help it. I can only hope she knows I'm doing what I have to do for my friend. My best friend.   
  
I start walking slowly back to the hotel.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
End chapter 18. I'll try not to take so long between chapters this time. Please read and review. It means so much. You guys are the best! Lucky Star (JJsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	19. Tory's Decision

If These Walls Could Talk  
Chapter 19/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star and Jordan  
~*Victoria*~  
  
As soon as Simon closes the door, an incredible sense of calm falls over me, soft and warm. I rise from the bed and feel as if I'm floating, as if all the pain and heaviness in my heart have dissolved and now I am light as air.   
  
I pick up my bag and go into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I'm not the same girl that I was only moments before, that terrified, hurting, panicking girl. I'm someone else, someone who knows what she's doing, who knows what she needs to do.   
  
She turns on the water in the tub, waiting for it to grow warm before she stops the drain. While it fills, she reaches into her bag, in the side pocket that's hard to find, and pulls out her knife. It's cold in her hand at first, then warms to her flesh before the sets it on the counter and begins to remove her clothing. When she wears nothing but her underwear she turns off the water.   
  
She picks up the knife and climbs in. Briefly, she thinks of Simon, and a twinge of sadness passes through her, but is gone because he will understand. He will be happy for her because she's finally free from everything and nothing will ever hurt her again. Without hesitation she lifts her arm and cuts deep through scabbed-over wounds, deeper than she ever has before, gasping at the new pain, the pain that is followed by elation as the blood wells to the surface and spills over, splashing into the tub. The other arm, and the water is already turning pink. She lets the knife fall from limp fingers and slides down until her chin touches water, closes her eyes and waits.  
***  
From far away the sounds come, the banging, the shouting. Her eyelids weigh tons as she forces them open just a crack. The light hurts them. They are heavy but her head isn't and feels like it will float from her body.   
  
There's a big crash and the sound of splintering wood. Only her eyes move as she looks over to see Simon stumbling towards her. "Tory!"  
  
His arms slide beneath her body, lifting her up, but doesn't he understand that she just wants to sleep? The air is cold; she is so cold now she begins to shiver. He puts her on the bed and somewhere, dimly, she remembers. She was going away. She was drifting down a quiet dark stream, so calm and peaceful. And he has taken that away from her.   
  
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Tory. I never should have left. I shouldn't have left you alone." He's wrapping her arms tightly in something, and she tries to pull them away.  
  
"Go away. Leave me alone." She doesn't know if he can understand her because her tongue is so thick she can barely move it.  
  
"Oh Tory...Tory...no. No. I'm so sorry."   
  
"Get out, Simon. Let me go." Disappointment is a bitter taste in her mouth, tasting like the salt of tears. "Why did you come back?"  
  
"Because I knew. I just...felt something and I knew. And I couldn't let you. I couldn't let you." He's sobbing. "I have to take you to the hospital."  
  
"No, no hospital." It's only a whisper and he doesn't hear her; he's turning to the phone and picking it up. And she thinks maybe she will win after all, because the darkness reaches up to swallow her.  
***  
  
~*Simon*~  
I sat in the squad car and watched the unfamiliar ambulance drift by, my eyes hot and dry. I had stopped crying before the ambulance and police got to the motel, partly because I didn't want them to see me so hysterical, but mostly because my heart had gone into some deep, dark, cold place inside of me and waited there.  
  
My fault, my fault, my fault.  
  
I tried to talk myself out of it, but the words kept tumbling through my head. If I hadn't left her alone. If I had gone to my parents right away instead of going with her on this God-forsaken journey. If I hadn't decided walk to the store and get a soda before going back to the room.  
  
But I didn't make her the way she was in the first place. No, that honor belonged to her father and Gene Blackwood. They were the ones who put her in that bathtub, who sliced the knife into her arms. The memory of that moment when I bashed in the door and saw her made me want to be sick. I would have been sick at the motel except I didn't want to leave her or let go of her hand. In movies, the person always dies when you turn your back for just a moment. Most of all I didn't want to see the bathtub and its rosy water.  
  
The paramedics said I did a good job binding her wrists with the surgical tape. It had stopped the bleeding. But her skin was so pale, and when I'd picked her up she'd been so light, as if part of her spirit had already left her body. I wanted to keep holding her hand but I wasn't allowed to ride in the ambulance with her because I wasn't 18. She needs me! I wanted to shout at them. Who gives a shit about your stupid rules? What if she wakes up and I'm not there?  
***  
"Dad? Dad!"  
  
"Simon, what's wrong?"  
  
I tried to keep my voice steady, but somehow hearing my dad was the undoing of me, and the only sound that came out of my mouth was a small sob.  
  
"Simon?"  
  
"Dad, she tried to kill herself," I wept into the phone. "Victoria. I left her alone for like...15 minutes. I don't know. And when I came back she was in the bathtub, and she...she..."  
  
"Is she all right?"  
  
"They said she will be. They said she wasn't in there long enough to lose a fatal amount." Somehow saying the words out loud made me feel better, and I stopped crying abruptly. Dad waited while I got myself under control. "We're at the hospital but I can't see her yet. They're sewing up her arms right now and they're going to come get me when they're done."  
  
"I'm sorry you had to go through this, son. But your mother and I are really proud of you. You know that, right?"  
  
"Yeah." I suddenly wanted nothing more than to see them. "Will you come get us?"  
  
"Right away. Tell me where you are."  
  
"Dad," I said after I had told him. "Will you do something for me?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Bring Victoria's mother. She needs to see her mother."  
***  
Later, when the nurses said it was okay, I went into her room. She was in a normal room, not intensive care, which was a good sign. And anyway, they said all she needed was some stitches and a lot of rest. She hadn't even lost enough blood to need a transfusion.  
  
She was sleeping now, her arms wrapped in new bandages. She wasn't hooked up to any fluids or anything. I looked at her face and tried to read it, to see if maybe dreams tormented her, but her expression was bland and neutral; I could read nothing there.   
  
I wanted, suddenly, to be angry with her, to hate her for what she'd just put me through. Did she even think about me? Almost as soon as the thoughts came, I was engulfed in hot shame. The things that had driven Victoria to this point were a lot worse than anything I'd been through; my life had been a cushy, storybook painting compared to hers. But that wasn't my fault either.  
  
"It's not our faults, it's not either of our faults," I whispered, sitting in the chair next to her bed. "I saved you and that's all that matters. I saved you and whatever happens I'll stay with you."  
  
I wanted to take her hand but was afraid of waking her. Instead, I watched her face and waited for her to awaken on her own. 


End file.
